


Almost Graceless

by dontcryMasha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable, Alternate Universe, Awkward Castiel, Bottom Castiel, Castiel Learns to be Human, Castiel and Dean in Love, Cute, Dean learns about spirituality, Enochian, Fluff, Gay Dean, Graceless Castiel, Homeless Castiel, M/M, Nearly Human Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Spiritual, Top Dean, Very much like Chobits!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:32:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2019993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcryMasha/pseuds/dontcryMasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Dean stumbles upon a very strange homeless guy who captures his attention. He goes out on a limb to give him some help, only to learn that he isn't a regular hobo; he is a fallen angel, desperately picking the pieces up to get back home. Dean starts to teach him about basic human functions; eating, bathing, sleeping and love. Narrated by Dean with a summary in the end notes by Cas. There is a little bit of Sam but he isn't Dean's brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting

It all started one Saturday. I was leaving my latest fuckbuddy’s place in the morning after a very productive night when I noticed someone sitting in the backseat of my car. I got closer and saw it was some homeless guy trying to sleep. “HEY!” I shouted. He startled. I banged on the window then opened up the door. “Get outta my car, man!”

“My apologies,” he answered in a groggy voice.

“The hell! How’d you even get in?”

“The door was unlocked.”

“Shit. Okay, okay. Well you’re lucky I don’t call the cops on you.”

The guy nodded and awkwardly rolled out of the backseat. He looked positively beat, but for a guy probably around my age and moderately attractive (as far as I could tell beneath the unkempt beard) it seemed odd.

“You got a shelter or something you can go to?”

He cocked his head at me. “Shelter?”

“Yeah. Homeless shelter. You’re sorta in my car. That _kinda_ tells me you don’t have a home.”

“Ah, a home,” he said with a contemplative sigh. His eyes, which I noticed just then were a very bright blue, turned up to the sky and he looked sad. “No,” he added. “A home is something I no longer have.”

“Well find a shelter,” I hissed. “And _not_ my car.”

I got into the front seat, slammed the door shut and watched him standing there in the same place as I drove away. What a shame, right? The guy gave zero fucks about what he looked like, clearly, since that beard or hair hadn’t been touched in a while even though he was pretty attractive. But it did strike me as odd when I considered the length of his hair. It was a messy, dark pile but really not all that long. He couldn’t have been homeless for a substantial time, provided he didn’t have it cut, and something told me he didn’t.

My work week went on as usual but when Sunday came, I was on my way to my fuckbuddy’s again. I pulled into that same space as last time, the one right next to the complex’s dumpster. When I stepped out of the car, I saw that in a little pile behind the trash was that homeless guy from the week before. I felt bad for the guy. Clearly he hadn’t found a shelter. But I shrugged it off and went to see who I came for anyway.

I let myself in the apartment and was immediately greeted by him. Sam, that is. My new boytoy. He’s taller than me and bigger up top but he’s a little bitch in bed. The first thing he did was give me a hug and start kissing my neck. We pawed at each other silently for a bit, slowly making our way to the sofa, but once Sam got on his knees and began to fumble with my dick, he stopped and looked at me curiously. “You aren’t here, are you?” he asked.

“What d’you mean?”

“I get the feeling that you’re really distracted. Is something on your mind?”

I wet my lips and winced. Casual sex partners don’t seem to be the kinds of people who you have a heart to heart with, but I figured I owed him at least a small explanation.

“That bum out there,” I said with a stiff sigh. Sam kept lightly pumping my dick. “You’ve seen him?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Ah, alright. Never mind.”

“No, what is it? Dean, you can tell me.”

“Nothin’,” I lied. “Just get to sucking, okay?”

Sam nodded and slipped my cock into his mouth. I leaned back into the arm of the sofa and groaned loudly, thrusting my hips against Sam’s soft lips. I tried and tried to get my head away from the guy outside, just thinking about Sam instead, but I fucking _couldn’t_. Why? What was so special about a homeless guy? I’ve seen plenty of hobos wandering around. They’re all burned out lunatics. Why did I put so much thought into this one? Maybe because he seemed different. He did. He was awkward and strange, like a fish out of water. He acted like homelessness was new to him.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” I said.

“What?” Sam replied, looking concerned, right after my dick slid out of his mouth.

“I don’t think I’m up for this.”

“Oh, okay. I figured.”

I stood up, looking defeated, and tucked my deflating erection back inside my pants. “Sorry, sorry,” I apologized.

“You don’t have to be sorry, I understand. Maybe tomorrow?”

“I’m working.”

“After?”

“I’ll call you.”

I felt bad leaving Sam alone without getting him off or anything, but once I was downstairs in the parking lot and I saw that homeless guy, my priorities shifted. I went right up to him and said, “Hey. _Hey_. Buddy?”

The uncomfortable looking mess shifted and he rolled over to face me. Tired, dirty eyes opened slowly and peered up at me. “You are the man whose car I wrongfully sat inside,” he said.

“Uh, yeah. That’s me. What’re you doing out here?”

“Attempting to experience this _sleep_ thing.”

 _Great_ , I thought. _He’s bat shit crazy_.

“Didn’t find a shelter?” I asked.

“No,” he answered. “There is little I can do when I feel this weak.”

“Weak? You okay?”

“I’m not sure. It may be what you call‘hunger.’”

“You need something to eat?”

“Once again, I’m not sure.”

“Dude, how are you not sure?”

Now his eyes turned sharp. “This is all very new to me,” he insisted. “Forgive me if I cannot answer all of your questions to the precise specifics that you request.”

“Okay, okay. Calm down. How ‘bout we get you something to eat?” I couldn’t believe I was saying that. Homeless people were the folks I’d roll my eyes at and tell to get a job. No, no; there was something really different about this guy. I hoped to God it wasn’t just deep insanity that would get me killed.

“Food,” he repeated, nodding very slowly. “Yes. You would…you would do such a thing for me?”

“Yeah, o’course,” I lied. Obviously this was out of my element.

“Thank you.”

“Sure.”

He stumbled up from the ground and came around to the passenger’s seat of my car. He smelled, but not too bad actually. When we both got in the car he just sat there and stared at me with this blank expression on his face.

“Um,” I hummed, starting the engine and trying not to stare back. “Something you wanna say to me?”

“What is your name?” he asked.

“Dean.”

“ _Dean_.”

“Yeah, Dean. What about you?”

“Castiel.”

“Castiel? That’s weird. Where’d your folks get that from?”

I headed out of the parking lot and to the nearest fast food chain. Castiel, still staring at me with the straightest face ever said, “It was bestowed upon me by my father.”

“Oh, cool,” I told him. “My mom named me.”

“She has good taste,” Castiel said. I smiled.

“Alright,” I nodded.

We pulled up to the drive-thru window and I ordered two of the regular deals with burgers and fries. After I paid I handed half the order to Castiel and he took it awkwardly, staring at it.

“It’s food,” I said. “Do you know what food is?”

“Yes I am aware of food’s existence and purpose,” said Cas. I decided to park at the back. He opened up the paper bag and pulled out the burger. As I started on my fries I watched him, wondering if he was on some kind of drug, because he tried to eat the burger without unwrapping it.

“Dude, you gotta take that paper off it,” I instructed. “That’s not the…ugh…that’s not the burger.”

Castiel ripped the wrapper and tore into the bun. It was like watching a toddler playing with his parent’s things; completely oblivious to how they work. Once he had the burger out, though it was a total fucking mess from him destroying it in the unwrapping process, he looked at me and then stuck his tongue into the side.

“No, no, just bite it,” I told him. “It’s like the first time you’ve eaten or something.”

“It is,” said Castiel. I blinked.

“How old are you?”

“Eons,” he said. I blinked again.

“What are you on?”

“I believe I am on the seat of your car.”

“No, drugs.”

“Drugs?”

“Yeah. Crack, PCP, weed, heroine, what is it? What are you blazing that’s making you trip balls like this?”

Castiel looked at me like _I_ was crazy. He bit into the sandwich at last and his face lightened. His eyes widened real big and a weird word came out of his mouth. “ _Madriiax…_ ”

“What now?”

He swallowed and stared at the burger with the most astonished, amazed look ever. “This is incredible,” he said.

“It’s just a burger,” I snorted. “What language were you speaking, man?”

“Enochian.”

“Whu?”

“Enochian. The language of the angels.”

I had to laugh now. “Okay, what the fuck have you been taking?” But Castiel didn’t find it very funny. He took another orgasmic bite and sighed.

“I assure you I am not under the influence of any drugs,” he said.

“Then why are you talking some bullshit language and acting like you’ve never eaten before? Now you’re going on about angels and shit? Out of this world.”

“It is not a bullshit language. Enochian is the language of the angels. It is what I speak. You should be so lucky that I am capable of communicating in English.”

“Alright, humor me,” I laughed. What the fuck was going on here? I guess that’s what I get for picking up a hobo. “How’d you learn the ‘language of the angels’? You go Joseph Smith on us and get lessons or something?”

“No,” Castiel insisted. “I am an angel of the Lord.”

I shook my head. “Right, and I’m the son of Satan.”

“You are not,” said Castiel. “He is nothing like you.”

I inhaled and kept eating. “Okay,” was all I could manage to say. “So if you really are an angel, what are you doing here? Sleeping in dumpsters and that shit.”

“Well,” Castiel began. He looked sad. “I am not entirely an angel anymore.”

“Oh yeah? How come?”

“I lost most of my grace.”

“Grace?”

“My angelic essence.”

“And why?”

“A rogue angel stripped it from me.”

“That sucks.” At this point I was just going along for the ride. Clearly he was fucking insane but as long as I pretended to be alright with it, he might spare my life. “So what are you gonna do?”

“I am searching for the angel who did this. I am going to get all of my grace back and return to heaven.”

“Mhmm, awesome,” I said, sipping my soda. “So you got a little of this grace in ya still, right?”

“Indeed.”

“If that’s true, show me what it can do, huh?”

“The drops that still reside in me control my ability to translate Enochian into Earthly languages and to heal minor injuries.”

“Heal? Are you shitting me?” I asked. This should be good.

“Yes, that is correct. I cannot perform healing at my normal level but I can enough to prevent infections, which I unfortunately must be conscious of now.”

Time to put crazy to the test.

“Alright, then let’s try this.” I took out my pocket knife and held the blade to my palm. Wincing but taking it like the man I am, I cut the flesh a few centimeters long, just enough to run a thin strip of blood. I then shoved my hand into Castiel’s direction. He immediately placed the burger into his lap and laid two fingers over my wound. A tiny flicker of white light sparkled between us and when he withdrew, the cut was gone. I was amazed. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I could barely fucking breathe. Castiel just stared at me and made a tiny smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This very nice human has befriended me. Despite having yelled at me for sitting in his car (I believe that was a poor decision that I made, and do not hold him responsible) he has offered me food. But he is confused by my nature. It would seem that humans are not as familiar with angels as I assumed."


	2. Bathing

“This is the craziest fucking shit I’ve ever heard of,” I said. Obviously I couldn’t leave this apparent angel alone, so I said I’d give him a place to stay with me. He was lost in this human world, which was surprising since you’d think a heavenly creature would take cliff notes at some point.

“It is the truth,” said Castiel. “This change has certainly not been easy for me.”

“Yeah, I’d say. So what’s it like?”

“What is what like?”

“Heaven.”

“Orderly.”

I gave him a little more time to speak but it seemed that’s all he had to say. I looked over at him quickly and noticed he seemed sad. “You alright, buddy?”

“No, I am not.”

“Need anything?”

“My grace, but that’s been established.”

We drove, saying the same crap over and over again until we got to my place. Garden apartments. I parked in my marked space and told Castiel to get out.

“Top floor,” I told him. He nodded and followed me upstairs. As soon as we went inside, I got him a towel from the linen closet and shoved it into his arms. “Humans gotta bathe, okay? So go take a shower.”

“Right,” said Castiel. He nodded and just stared at me.

“In the bathroom.”

“ _Right_.”

He was still standing there, staring at the towel. I had to take him by the arm and drag him to my bathroom. “In there,” I said. “You know how to use a shower?” He shook his head. I sighed real loud. “I don’t wanna seem like I’m taking advantage of you.”

“Taking advantage? How do you mean?”

“Like if I _help_ you shower.”

“But I need assistance.”

“I’ll show you but just briefly, okay?” I wanted to respect this guy as much as possible. It felt like one wrong move and I’d be on my way to Hell in an instant. “You turn on the tap here, then pull this out so the shower turns on. Gotta make it the right temperature. How does this feel?”

Castiel put his hand out just like I did in the middle of the shower spray. “It is very wet,” he said.

“Yeah I know that, I mean is it too hot? Too cold? Just right?”

“It feels pleasant, I think.”

“Okay great.” I cleared my throat. “Now uh, take off your clothes and get in.”

“All of them?”

“Yeah, you gotta get clean.”

“Very well.”

I tried to give him some privacy and look away, but once he managed to pull off the sweater he was wearing and then fumble out of the t-shirt, I had to sneak a peek. This guy had _some_ body on him! I couldn’t believe it. He was lean and fair but with smooth muscles that curved a little. He fidgeted with his pants for a bit until he managed to pull them down, underwear included. I really wanted to let him undress without my eyes all over him but I couldn’t resist. I realized just then that he had a _major_ ass. Despite being in good shape and with great muscle tone, his butt was bubbly and round.

“N-now get in the tub,” I said, blushing. Castiel nodded and stepped over the side then stood under the water.

“This will clean me, yes?” he asked.

“Well sorta, you gotta do it yourself.” It occurred to me how strange it was to be telling a grown man how to shower. Actually I couldn’t decide if that was stranger than him being an angel or not. I tried to avoid that thought process. “Take the soap there, and that washcloth…yes…now rub the soap into the cloth so it foams up. Exactly. Use the washcloth to scrub all over your body. You’ve gotta have a lot of dirt.”

Castiel began rubbing himself down with the washcloth and now was my cue to turn away. It just didn’t feel right to be watching an angel with such sexual desire. I gave him time to clean up but interjected a few side notes here and there. “Make sure you get behind your ears.” “All the way to your feet, too.” “And don’t forget your ass.”

I think he was done at last so I told him to turn off the tap and come out. I handed him the towel from earlier and instructed him on drying off. “Yeah, that’s it,” I said as he pat himself down. “How hard was that?”

“Slightly time consuming but I am feeling better.”

“Good. I think you’ll feel even better if you shave.”

“Shave what?”

My eyes naturally fell down to the nest between his legs but I had to force them back up to eye level. “Your face,” I said stiffly. “That’ll be tricky, so I’ll do it for you. Come here.”

I got him over to the sink and used my electric razor to buzz all that nasty hair away. It fell down onto the counter and Castiel curiously ran his fingertips through it. “What?” I asked, almost done now.

“Is this something that happens often?”

“Yeah, man. We gotta shave all the time. I try to do it every morning.”

“Quite the hassle,” Castiel commented with a sigh.

“Hey, lighten up,” I said. I had just finished and turned his face to the mirror. “You look real good now, how about that?”

Beneath the frazzled, filthy beard was a very, very attractive face. He had a broad, wide jaw and big, pasty lips. I had already noted his blue eyes but now I could see them even better. They were quite creased and sparkled in the bathroom light.

Castiel took a few moments to stare at the mirror. He turned his head this way and that, telling me he hadn’t really looked in a mirror before. “What d’you think?” I asked.

“Interesting,” was all he said. He blinked real slow.

“You’ve gotta be tired.”

“Yes.”

“Have you even slept in a bed before?”

“No.”

“Well then you can borrow mine for the time being, how’s that?”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Sure thing.”

First I gave him a tank top and a pair of clean boxers out of my dresser for him to sleep in, even though they were slightly big (just not in the ass), then I made up my bed just for him. “It’s a queen size so you got plenty of room to spread out and find a comfortable position.”

“Will you be sleeping as well?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah o’course, but I’ll be out on the sofa. If you need anything come get me, okay? Even if it’s just a stupid question about some little human thing. It’s fine.”

“You are very kind, Dean,” he said. “I always thought humanity was ruthless.”

“Sometimes,” I said with a smile. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Cas?”

“It’s a little easier than Castiel, don’t’cha think?”

“I suppose.”

“People won’t ask so many questions about it. Now I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yes.”

Before I left my bedroom I added, “When people go to bed, you say ‘good night.’”

“Good night,” Cas said, staring at me. I smiled. He just stared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He is called Dean and he is quite nice. I have learned how to clean myself, and although the process is tedious and time consuming, the results are enjoyable. It's no surprise to me that humans are so undeveloped spiritually, as all this shaving and soaping is terribly distracting."


	3. Working

I woke up early and made some breakfast for us. Just eggs and toast. I figured anything would be hella impressive to him and he would definitely be hungry. I made enough for any sort of binge.

Part of me was surprised that he didn’t wake me up at night. He was really lost in the human world and I figured at _some_ point he would need further assistance, but then again this was his first night in a bed and probably the first night he got real sleep. I didn’t want to disturb him but I couldn’t let him sleep forever.

With a plate full of food, I slipped inside my bedroom and walked up to where Cas was spread out on the mattress. He was on his side with one of my pillows held in his arms. His head was tipped back and mouth wide open (wow, he had a nice, big mouth) from which soft snores bellowed out.

“Hey,” I said softly. “Castiel?”

I set the food down on my nightstand and gently touched the fallen angel on his shoulder. He rattled just a bit but remained out of it. I sat for a second, just looking him over. He clung to my pillow so tight and desperately that I couldn’t help but wonder why. This was a person—angel, whatever---who knew nothing about humanity. It seemed that most mannerisms were learned and felt awkward to him. Why would he instinctively hug a pillow? I had to admit it was almost, well, cute.

No, it was cute. It was totally fucking cute.

He was cute.

I touched the side of his cheek and prodded gently. “Cas?”

Now he finally noticed. His eyes opened slowly and he closed his mouth, wetting his lips with a pink stripe of tongue. “Morning, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean,” he groaned groggily.

“You sleep well?”

“I believe so, but…it was very strange.”

“Yeah? What happened?”

“I am positive that I was in heaven for some time, but I don’t believe I actually accomplished anything…”

I looked at him oddly. “What do you…ohhh. You were dreaming, buddy.”

“Dreaming,” Cas repeated. He let go of the pillow and sat up in bed, staring pensively at nothing. “Yes. That is what it was. These so called ‘dreams.’ Indeed.”

I smiled. “Happens to us all the time. You weren’t really there. At least I don’t think so.”

“How interesting.”

“Yep. So here’s another lesson in human life; when you wake up, you tell people ‘good morning.’”

Castiel looked right at me now, very seriously and said, “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you, too, Cas. I made breakfast.”

“Breakfast?”

“Food.”

“But I have eaten with you last night.”

I laughed. “Man, we gotta eat more than just that! We usually do it three times a day.”

“Three?!” Cas inhaled. His eyes widened real big and I got a good look at how beautiful and shiny they were. “How tedious!”

“No way. We like it. Actually, we look forward to it. Here. Try this.”

I took the plate of food and handed it to him carefully, which he took with the same amount of great care. I held a fork out to him. He took it gingerly and remarked, “This is a very inefficient weapon.”

“It’s not a weapon, it’s a fork.”

“Fork?”

“Yeah, for eating. You don’t know how to use a fork, do you?”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

“Just like this. Lemme see it real quick.”

He gave it back to me and I demonstrated its use. After poking the eggs a few times I handed it back to him and he tried. It was messy at first but he picked up quickly.

“There you go,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.

When he first tasted the eggs he responded very well. His face turned a little pink and he said, “This is quite remarkable.”

“See? Told ya. Food is good.”

“I understand. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Once he was done I cleared his dishes, had my own food then took him back to the bathroom to show him how to get dressed. I was running out of time now since I had to get to work, so basically I just had him watch what I did.

“Good thing I keep extras,” I said, giving him a clean toothbrush. He held it in his hand, observing me, then squirted some toothpaste on it when I handed it off. I brushed and he copied. I rinsed and he did the same. I washed my face then so did he. My hair was short enough that I didn’t have to do a whole lot, but I gave him a comb and showed him how to make his look a little less messy (though I had to admit, the messiness was its own kind of sexy).

“Alright, well I gotta head to work,” I said once I was dressed. I put on a suit and he looked me over curiously.

“Work seems serious,” he remarked.

“Yeah, it is. But you’re gonna be okay here by yourself?”

“Yes.”

“I got the TV if you wanna watch. Couple books. I dunno. What do angels like?” Castiel looked at me confused. I smiled and patted him on the top of his head, since it seemed to be the right thing to do. “I guess just stay here and be a good little guard dog.”

Before I left I remembered one more thing. I took a piece of paper and scribbled down my number. “This is for my cellphone. If you need me, use the house phone here and dial it. You’ll get through, okay?”

“I understand.”

“And if you get hungry, help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Just uh, maybe don’t use the stove because I really need to teach you that first.”

“I understand.”

“Heh, alright,” I said, smiling at him. It was weird how he just stared at me. I opened up the door and added, “Ah, this is the part where we say ‘goodbye.’”

“Goodbye?”

“Yeah. That’s what people say when we leave. ‘Hello’ when we see each other, ‘goodbye’ when we leave.”

All of the sudden, Castiel looked horrified. “You’re leaving??” he asked, gasping.

“Well yeah, but I’ll be back. I’ll be back in the evening.”

“Ahh…” he looked relieved but if I felt bad. Poor guy. He seemed so damn lonely.

“Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever. Sometimes. But uh, we’ll talk about this later. Goodbye is usually just temporary.”

“I understand. Goodbye, Dean.”

“Bye, Cas.”

* * *

When I came home from work I didn’t see the angel right away. I closed the front door and peeked around the living room briefly. Just the sofa and my TV, everything untouched and nothing turned on.

“Cas?” I called out. No answer. After I stepped out of my shoes I went back to the bedroom. “ _Cas?_ Oh. There you are.”

He was on the floor by my bed, sitting on his feet with a book in his hands. When I came in there he looked up at me, surprised. “H-hello, Dean.”

“Hey. Whatcha reading?” I asked, taking off my suit jacket and putting it on a hanger.

“This is a book on US Geography. It is very interesting.”

“You wanna go sight-seeing? Heh heh.”

His forehead scrunched up. “Sight-seeing?”

“I was just joking, don’t worry about it. You eat anything today?”

“No.”

“Are you hungry at all?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You don’t know?!”

“No.”

I exhaled. It occurred to me that it might be difficult to realize what hunger felt like if you didn’t really know what it was. “Hunger is this sorta pain in your stomach,” I explained, rather poorly. “It’s groany and achy. You felt it before, remember? When I first picked you up.”

Castiel appeared to be thinking about this. “Ah, yes. I believe I feel this way.”

“Okay, I’ll get you something to eat.”

I left him in the bedroom and went to the kitchen. I think he could survive on just a sandwich, so I slapped together peanut butter and jelly then brought it to him. He was buried in that geography book again.

“Here you go,” I said, holding it out to him. He took it and stared. “What?”

“Did you make this for me?” Cas asked.

“Yeah.”

“Thank you, Dean,” he muttered and started to eat. Mouthful he said, “This is very nice.”

“Just a sandwich, no big deal.”

I watched him eat it fairly quickly then he went right back to the book. The speed that he read was difficult to tell, but he certainly took his time on each page. There were a lot of pictures, and every one he seemed to stare at for a while.

“We should go to a bookstore,” I said. “You can pick out some books that you like.”

“Bookstore. Interesting.”

“Yeah.”

The rest of the evening played out like the one before, only he cleaned himself up entirely on his own. Once he knew how to do something, it was permanently stowed in his memory. That made things pretty easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I have slept in a human's bed last night. It was Dean's, which he so generously let me use. Sleeping was very comfortable but the hazy memory of being in Heaven was strange. This was one of those 'dreams' according to Dean. I didn't like it very much. But I am optimistic; after looking through Dean's picture books about the world, I am convinced that my life as an almost-human will not be completely terrible."


	4. Reading

 So we went to a bookstore the next day. I left work early, then I drove him downtown and parked in a big garage right behind the store. It was a nice day and people roamed all over the sidewalks, chatting loudly to each other and having food from street vendors. As we walked inside the cool store, Cas asked “You don’t read very much, do you, Dean?”

“Nah, not really.”

“Why is that?”

“Guess I’m not really the reading type.”

“Books are very interesting. You should make an effort to read more.”

“Yeah well…”

Before I could finish, Cas had disappeared. I looked around real quick and saw he darted off towards the travel section. He seemed to be intrigued the most by this subject. I came up behind him and looked over his shoulder.

“Ireland?” I asked, observing the pictures of sweeping green landscapes in the book he held open. “We’re pretty far.”

Cas inhaled and flipped the page. “This planet has incredible beauty,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, it does.”

“It’s remarkable.”

He turned around and handed the book to me. “This needs to be purchased, correct?”

“Yep,” I said. “Catching on, huh?”

“Would you purchase it for me?”

I smiled. The angel’s face was so serious and desperate looking as he stared at me. Those big, round, blue eyes were wide and wiggling, hopeful yet scared of my response. Even though I think the physical body he had was probably a little older than me, he was _very_ adorable and a certain childishness that was apparent just melted my heart. I took the book from him and said, “sure.” Cas cracked a tiny smile. He wasn’t sure what to say. “When people do something nice, you say ‘thank you.’”

“Thank you,” Cas said. An older woman walked by us and shot me a strange look but I really couldn’t blame her.

“You want anything else?” I asked.

“Yes.”

Cas moved on again. He carried himself with a very straight posture, scanning every aisle with quick, confident glances. I tried to keep an eye on him but he began to move so fast I lost him again. With a sigh, I took off and hunted him down.

By the time I found him he had five more books in his hands. I took and bought them for the guy since they were all fairly cheap. The clerk who rang up the purchases seemed put-off by Cas’ peculiar behavior.

He was pretty eager to get home and read so we did just that. He stayed up later than I did, sitting in my bed with the lamp on. From the sofa I could see a thin sliver of light through the door, just enough to pick out the detail on his face. As he read, his eyelids narrowed and those fat, wide lips separated just barely. I observed him for a while, wondering what was going on his head. It was pretty strange to experience this adorable man who wasn’t a man at all. If he had his grace, what would he be capable of? Was he dangerous? I tried not to think about it. Sleep came over me while the lamp was still on.

* * *

Reading kept him occupied. When he sat behind a book, his mind was completely absorbed into it and I always had trouble getting his attention. He was hungry for knowledge; learning about humans and the world interested him endlessly. I was kind of jealous of that, since he could appreciate the tiny detail in things that were boring to me. For instance, I would open a beer in the evening and he would sit and stare at the carbonation, remarking at the molecular process. He would watch me cook with wide, curious eyes. Now once he learned what beef was, he decided he wasn’t going to eat meat at all, so I had to make him stuff with no animal products. Even plants sometimes distressed him. “God has put such care and love into this creation and yet we take its life so easily,” he would say. I had to explain to him to concept of “higher on the food chain”, but it still managed to upset him.

Then the day came that I was going to go to see Sam. I didn’t want to tell Cas what I was doing, and I partially felt bad because I had to admit I was starting to develop feelings for the angel. He was so beautiful and gracious; simple yet complex; looking at him made me happy but being with him made me complete. My life had been a one man show for so long that I forgot how it felt to take care of somebody else.

“Just gonna see a friend for a while,” I said.

“A friend?”

“Yeah, a friend. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be back.”

“I’m not allowed to meet your friends?”

“He’s uh,” I swallowed and avoided eye contact. Cas sat on the sofa with this innocent, confused look on his face and I couldn’t bear to see it. “A special friend. Like I said, don’t worry about it.”

“I understand. Goodbye, Dean.”

“See ya.”

Feeling guilty, I went down to my car and drove off to Sam’s place. When I got there he was sort of being a bitch. I gave him a hug and nipped at his collar bone but he was acting cold. “What?” I asked.

“I haven’t even heard from you,” he fussed.

“I’ve been busy.”

“You could’ve said _something_. A call? A text? Last time we spoke it wasn’t exactly on good terms.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I apologized real quick, still trying to get the romance going. I ran my tongue over his neck. Even though he was clearly pissed, the sensation was hard to avoid. A breathy moan came out from his lips. “Mm, there you go.”

“Dean…”

He walked backwards towards the sofa and I tackled him down onto his back. I immediately straddled him and we kissed. My hands ran up to his face and teased through his silky hair, pulling just gently. Sam closed his eyes and moaned into my mouth.

As my tongue teased at his lips, I couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like to kiss Cas. Forbidden, maybe, but the thoughts still came. Sam began to pull my shirt off my head and once I was bare, his fingers ran across my chest. In my head, it was Cas touching me. Then our kiss broke and he rolled his head back, brought his legs around my waist and I simply saw Cas underneath me. We undressed, we kissed, we groped and I fucked him. My cock thrust inside his gaping hole but I felt Cas tightening around me. Sam moaned my name but I heard Cas’ voice. When I came and filled him with my load, I was stuck thinking about Cas taking it all. And when Sam reached his orgasm and shot a thin rope of cum on me, I looked down and saw blue eyes looking at me with such love. I saw that messy black hair and that beautiful, round face smiling.

“You don’t seem into me anymore,” Sam said when we were done. I was getting dressed.

“Why would you say that?”

“It just feels like it.”

“Oh. Okay.” I pulled up my pants silently then turned around and saw Sam sitting there real sad. I wasn’t sure what to say. It would be a lie to say I was focused on him. “Well, I’m gonna go, so…”

“Fine,” said Sam.

I looked at him sadly and made my way out. Why couldn’t I be more heartless? I used to be the type of guy who could go around and pick up guys left and right, not giving a flying fuck about _feelings_ or _compassion_. But here I was; feeling bad about hurting Sam because I was obsessed with Castiel.

It didn’t matter. I wasn’t even dating Sam, he was literally just a fuckbuddy. And when I came home I was greeted by a very happy Cas; okay, not “very” happy because he didn’t exactly show his feelings too well, but I could see it in his face that he was pleased to have me home. He hadn’t moved from the sofa. That was a nice feeling to come home to.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. How was your evening?”

“Uneventful. I finished this book. That is all.”

“Oh, cool, alright.”

“Did you enjoy spending time with your special friend?”

“It was okay. But I’m happy to be home. With you.”

Cas didn’t respond. I passed him on my way to the bathroom and got washed up and ready for bed, then when I came out I had to get him into my room. “Gotta kick you out, sorry.”

“That’s fine,” he said, getting up.

“I’m beat. Emotionally and physically. Gotta get some sleep. You can stay up, just in my room, okay?”

“Okay,” Cas imitated. He looked at me straight on and said, “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night, Cas. See you tomorrow.”

He went into my room and got in bed. I think he was done reading for the night. I laid on the sofa and watched him in bed for a bit. It didn’t take him too long to fall asleep, and I nodded off as he snored quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Books are good. They allow me to learn about subjects I cannot easily observe firsthand. We, Dean and I, I believe I can refer to us as we, went to a bookstore and he purchased for me many interesting ones. It was good. Very, good. Books are good. Very, good. But I wonder who Dean's special friend is?"


	5. Learning

 

Our first Saturday together threw Cas for a loop. So far it was always me waking him up, but I slept until about 10 and Cas was up before me. He must have come over to the sofa and prodded me in the shoulder a few times. I startled awake and turned over to see him standing next to me.

“Good morning, Dean,” he said.

“Uh…hey…Cas…” I was groggy and could barely keep my eyes open.

“You are going to be late for work.”

“No…no work today…” I rolled over again and pulled the blanket up to my chin.

“No work today,” Cas repeated. “Would you like to sleep longer?”

“Yeah…if you don’t mind…”

“As you wish,” said Cas. I closed my eyes and heard him walk back into the bedroom. He closed the door.

I managed to nab a little more sleep but I didn’t stay out too long. There was a lot of light in the apartment and that’s almost impossible to doze through, especially with all the windows in my living room. So I woke up, crawled off the sofa and went into the bedroom. I opened the door slowly and looked in to see Cas standing by the window. He had that perfect posture as always, holding one of his books between both hands and looking down at it through narrow eyes. Morning sunlight was beaming all over him, radiating in his dark hair and making his skin glow. He was wearing a big t-shirt of mine that was a little baggy over his toned body and a pair of loose boxers. I looked him up and down, observing the smooth, delicious muscles.

He didn’t hear me as usual, caught up in the majesty of his reading, so I stepped inside real slow and crept up close. “Cas,” I said softly. He turned his head and locked eyes with me.

“Good morning, Dean. Ah, is ‘good morning’ still the accurate term for this time of day?”

“Sure, that works. I just woke up.”

“Did you sleep well?” He closed the book and set it down on the nightstand.

“Heh, alright. Thanks, buddy. What about you?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good.” I smiled a bit and stood around awkwardly. “You wanna go out for breakfast?”

“Go out? You mean a restaurant…”

“Mmm, you never been to one, right?”

“No. I’ve read, though.”

“Yeah let’s try. It’s not scary.”

“I’m not scared,” said Cas. “I would like to try anything that will assimilate me into human society better.”

“Alright,” I said with a nod. “Let’s get you some new clothes then, huh? So you aren’t stuck with my wardrobe?”

Cas looked down. He tugged at the hem of his, or my, shirt for a few moments. I tapped him on the shoulder, handed him his last outfit of mine then disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed. When I came out, he had changed. My shirts looked cute on him. The pants didn’t really fit but they worked okay.

“Ready?” I asked. Cas nodded and we left together.

I picked a little sit-down diner that wasn’t too far away. I really didn’t want Castiel to feel overwhelmed at all, God knows he was going to be awkward no matter what. So I nabbed a parking space in the back and we walked in together. I didn’t realize until we were going up to be seated that he had brought a book with him; just a little paperback tucked under his arm.

We were given a seat in the back, a booth, and Cas sat down real loud. I couldn’t help but chuckle and I sat, too. Cas looked at me strangely. “What is amusing to you?”

I shook my head, smiling. “You’re cute, that’s all.” It was relieving to say that.

“Cute?” He cocked his head to the side and I picked up my menu.

“Yeah like,” I had to pause and think how to describe it. He watched me as I perused the menu but I don’t think he could understand what was happening. “Cute is just kinda sweet and appealing. You’ll understand someday.”

Cas nodded. I looked over the menu thinking, but every time I peered at Cas I noticed he was just copying my actions. I had a little fun with that once I realized. I took my hand up to my chin and held it, then proceeded to make a series of comical faces. Cas mimicked them each. After three or four, I lost my shit and just started laughing.

“What is amusing to you?” Cas asked.

“You, just you, man.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re being cute, like I said. You don’t know what a menu is, do you?”

Castiel shook his head. I took the menu from his hands and laid it down flat on the table. “It shows everything you can order. See? It’s just food. You pick something here and they’ll bring it to you.”

“Oh, yes. I understand. Exactly.” He nodded and started to read over the different descriptions.

When the waiter came by, I ordered a stack of pancakes with bacon and eggs, but Cas just wanted French toast.

“There’re eggs in that,” I told him.

“Oh? Well eggs aren’t…terribly distressing.”

A little more chatter and the food came. I got to watch him struggle with a fork and knife now; up until then I had avoided anything that needed to be cut but it changed at that restaurant. He kept switching hands and stabbing at the bread, pulling it, slicing, fumbling around. He continued to get cuter and cuter. In fact, I was so fixated on watching him that I let my food sit there, getting cold, as I stared at him. He made these funny faces as he struggled with the food, but he stopped for a second and saw I was looking at him.

“Are you going to eat your meal, Dean?”

“Y-yeah, right,” I said quickly. I made a little smile and went into my pancakes. Maybe if he saw how I did it he could copy it and understand. And that worked well. He observed my actions for some time and then went back to his. I think he got the hang of it by the time we finished. I taught him about leaving tips and we were on our way.

After eating I took him to a department store to buy clothes. That wasn’t nearly as entertaining as I’d originally thought (not saying I took him just to be amused, but still) mainly because he just pulled out a couple plain clothes and handed them to me. I had to make sure it was the right size, then we rang it all up and finally headed home. He seemed happy.

The rest of the day mostly involved watching TV (which was very, very intriguing to Cas. The news would become a habit for him). He watched a couple animated kids’ movies while I kicked back a few beers behind the computer. I got a text from Sam but I ignored it. He asked if I wanted to see him. I didn’t even know what to say. Did I? I wouldn’t mind fucking him, but…someone was more interesting now. Someone was more _important_ now.

By 9 I was pretty sloshed and started to fall asleep on the couch. I guess at some point Cas turned on the TV and headed to bed as well.

Everything was fine until I got woken up in the middle of my slumber. I groaned and rolled over, opening my eyes in the dark room to see a shadow standing over me. “Cas?” I asked in a raspy, tired voice. “What’s up?”

“I woke up and cannot fall asleep again. I am worried.”

“That’s not a big deal, happens to people a lot. Try reading more and you’ll get tired again.”

“I’ve been reading for almost an hour.”

I sat up. “Oh,” I sighed, rubbing my eyes. “I dunno what to tell you. Just lay there until you fall asleep.”

“Would you sleep in the bed with me?” Cas asked.

“Huh?”

“I have been reading that people who care about each other sleep in the same bed. Not one on the living room furniture. That is a punishment.”

I blushed in the darkness. “O-okay, sure. It’s my bed after all, right?” A little nervous laughter came out and I went into the bedroom, Cas tailing closely behind. He went to one side and I took the other. “This better?”

“I am not sure. We’ll see if it improves my sleeplessness.”

I laid on my side, facing Cas who was turned away from me. Looking at his smooth back beneath the thin tank top made me smile. I watched his chest rise and fall with his breathing.

After about twenty minutes or so (now I couldn’t sleep either), Cas sighed real loud and said, “It’s not helping.”

“Then let’s just talk. Why not, right?”

“I agree.”

“You got any questions about humanity? With all that reading you’ve been doing, it must get gears turning in your head.”

“I don’t have any mechanics inside me, Dean.”

“It’s just a saying.”

“I see…”

I cleared my throat and lowered my voice. There was a question on my mind, for sure. “Hey uh, that book you read about people sleeping together?”

“Yes.”

“You know that _couples_ sleep together, right?”

“Yes,” Cas’ voice sounded slightly unsure of himself. “That is what we are, isn’t it?”

“A couple is kinda more like a relationship.”

“We have a relationship,” Cas said very confidently. I cleared my throat again, louder this time.

“Do you uh, do you care about me?” I asked. Why was I nervous?

“Yes.”

“Do you know how to express your feelings?”

“No.”

“You wanna know how?”

“Yes.”

This formulaic way of speaking was pissing me off quickly. I wet my lips with my tongue and moved a little closer to Cas now. “Turn over,” I said, softly. He did. He faced me and stared straight on. “Well uh, when two people care about each other, they touch…”

I gently put my hand on Cas’ shoulder, sighing happily from the sensation. His skin felt so good underneath mine. He kept staring. “Touching, hugging, that’s what people do when they have feelings for each other.”

Cas raised his hand and lightly pressed it onto my chest. This made me smile but I was still nervous. _Why?_ I’ve had sex with a ton of guys. Suddenly this one was different. Was it because he was an angel, and his true nature was totally mysterious to me and I was possibly scared of him kicking my ass? He was so sacred and special and yet these tiny, beautiful human intimacies were new.

“You know what else they do?” I asked, whispering now.

“I do not,” Cas replied. His fingers tickled my skin through the shirt. Now I slowly crept closer to him, keeping my eyes fixed on his beautiful lips. They were parted just a bit, practically begging for me to close in on them.

“They kiss…”

I closed my eyes and pressed my mouth right up to his. Finally feeling those lips was the most wonderful relief of my entire fucking life. He didn’t know how to respond, naturally, but I took the lead and slid my tongue out to his mouth. I parted his lips and pressed inside. Both of my hands came to his shoulders now, touching him with a delicate grip and slowly shifting my weight so that he rolled onto his back. I straddled him like second nature. When the kiss broke, I moved to his ear and whispered, “do you know what people do when they really, really like each other?”

“No, I do not,” Cas replied, whispering just as quietly. His cheeks were flushed and hot.

I wet my lips, went to close to his ear that my mouth touched the skin, and the tiniest little voice of mine said, “we make love.”

“Make love?” Cas asked. I never used that term but for some reason it just felt right.

“Yeah. Sex. Intercourse. Fuck.”

“Will you show me?”

“Do you really, really like me?”

I moved back so I could look Cas in the eyes again. He stared up at me with his mouth open slightly. “Yes,” he whispered. “I do.”

“Well, first we undress,” I said, taking the bottom of his tank top in my hands and pulling it. “Sit up.”

We both sat. Kissing him off and on, sometimes on the lips and sometimes the neck or cheek, I took off both of our shirts and underwear so that we were completely naked. Having seen him bare before I wasn’t surprised, but now able to touch the flesh I could barely contain myself. I grabbed his thighs and pulled them around my waist, then pushed his back against the headboard. He didn’t struggle or anything; he was happy to comply.

“Now,” I said, putting a kiss on his neck. “Now we get comfortable with each other’s bodies.”

“Comfortable?”

“Yeah, like, touch me…touch me everywhere.”

I started by running my hands along his chest. The smooth, hard muscle was covered in delightfully soft skin that was creamy to the touch. I drank in the feeling and rubbed my hands all over him, still kissing off and on. He awkwardly set his fingers on mine but soon they found comfort on my back. He reached around my waist and held onto me.

“Are you horny?” I asked.

“I do not have horns.”

“Nah nah, I mean are you aroused? Turned on?”

“I’m not sure…”

My hand went down to his crotch and cupped the rock hard boner. A big wide smile stretched across my face as I stroked it, and he jolted with my touch. A few little moans peeped out of his mouth. My thumb ran across the tip, getting sticky with precum.

“Ohh, baby,” I moaned. “You’re so ready.”

“What are you going to do?”

My grin faded. It turned into a serious, naughty pout. All at once I grabbed onto his shoulders and ran my tongue along his cheek. The stubble was sweet with sweat. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard,” I whispered. “Gonna claim that ass.”

I pushed him hard into the mattress and really towered over him. His thighs clenched around my waist and I stared down, watching his expression go from shy to full on aroused; cheeks red, lips wet, eyes wide with wonder and wanton desire. His arms unlocked from around me and instead he laid both hands on my shoulders. I had to quickly snatch a pump of lube from the nightstand then I brought back my fingers and rubbed them along the hole. Damn, did he have a fine ass. There was a nest of hair down there but I couldn’t care less. His hole was tight and virgin, so ripe for the picking.

“It’s gonna hurt a little at first but then it’ll feel really, really good. I promise. Okay?”

Cas nodded. He held on tight. My index finger circled around the ring of muscle for a moment, just to get a feel for his responses; a few little jerks, steadily increasing breath and occasionally tensing his tight muscles. Then I slid the first finger in. His asshole tightened immediately and he bucked his entire body up. “GAAH!” He whined loudly. It was beautiful because his noises were entirely natural. He didn’t know what people sounded like when they had sex, so that was just his raw, untamed reaction.

Once I was really inside, I poked around a little bit and watched as his face twisted hotly from the pleasure. His eyes would open real wide then close tight, as would his mouth. He dug his fingers harder and harder into the skin on my shoulders. Then I put in a second finger. This really got him going. He thrust his hips back against my hand and shouted, “Aaaah! D-Deaaan!!”

“You like that?” I asked.

“It hurts,” he moaned. “It hurts but the feeling is mostly pleasant.”

I separated my fingers slightly and he moaned even louder. Sweat was started to drip from his body and he turned red hot. My fingers got a rhythm going finally; in and out, scissoring and twisting around. He kept bucking and thrusting, grinding and groaning so much that I thought he might cum from that alone.

“Alright,” I said, gasping from the sexy show I just witnessed. God, this angel was a babe. “Now I’m gonna give you the main course.”

“What is that?” Cas moaned.

“My cock.”

“…a chicken?”

“No, my dick.”

I rubbed more lubricant across my cock now, just briefly jerking it to make it optimally hard, then I touched it against his hungry hole. He clenched. “Try to relax,” I whispered. “It’ll be fine. Trust me?”

“Yes,” said Cas.

I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss before sliding my dick inside. It pushed through the tight, tight hole and inside very slowly. I felt like his asshole was going to cut my cock off because it was _so_ tight. He cried very loud upon penetration and really clawed into my shoulders. I let off my dick and brought both my hands up to his face, cradling them, and once I was deep enough inside him I lowered our chests together and kissed him. Our lips entwined hotly, smacking together and melding in the same rhythm as our bodies. We groaned, ground and thrust together in a slow motion. I was so happy to be feeling him like that. It was amazing. Every inch of his body felt delightful and I wanted more. So much more.

Once I managed to get my entirety inside, I could then get to pound him. He was taking it great so I didn’t hold back. My abs tightened up and I started to fuck him hard. He screamed. He really, really screamed. I let off the kiss and I gave him the chance to get as loud as he wanted. His head rolled back into the pillows as the most uninhibited, beautiful cries came out of his mouth. Every second of it was amazing.

“D-Dean,” he gasped. His eyes locked on mine and he looked worried. “What is happening?”

“How’s it feel?” I asked through my deep, huffing breaths. Drops of my own sweat were plinking down onto his already slick body.

“Strong…intense…ahhh! What is this!?”

I let go of him with my right hand and shoved it down to his crotch. Immediately I grabbed his throbbing cock and jerked it quickly. He grew even hotter and shouted very loud. “DEAN! DEAN!”

“It’s okay it’s okay,” I explained, still moaning consistently. My thrusts didn’t cease. “You’re gonna cum. It’s good. Let it go. Enjoy the feeling and don’t hold back, okay?”

“O-okay,” Cas agreed, looking worried. His body buckled against mine and he kept crying loudly.

Then, I felt it start to erupt. His dick throbbed deeply from the bottom and I squeezed it tight, still ramming that raw man pussy so hard with my own cock.

Cas shredded into my shoulders, I was sure of that, and in a wild and explosive jolt, he thrust into my hand and shot a big, messy load, screaming as he did so. His voice almost cracked. He cried and whimpered, struggling with the overwhelming feelings. The climax was so intense that he gave me one, too, but I didn’t react as noticeably. I closed my eyes and let a few deep grunts huff out of my mouth, tensing all over as my seed spilled within his ass.

The orgasms settled quickly and I collapsed against him. “Oh my God,” I whispered, trying to catch my breath. I rolled off of Cas and took him in my arms. He flopped against me. “Hug,” I said. “Like this.” My arms wrapped around him and he copied me. That felt good to him, clearly, and he hugged me tighter. It was funny that when I first fucked him he nearly knew to put his arms around me like an instinct.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas sighed. “How remarkable. Do most humans do this?”

“Yeah, all of us do.”

“It is beautiful…humanity is beautiful.”

I smiled. “I guess it is,” I said. And that’s when I realized what was different about Cas; it wasn’t his angelic nature, no, none of that even mattered. Sure I had fucked a billion different guys. I knew sex well. But fucking Cas was unlike anything else before because it wasn’t _just a fuck_. I had feelings for Cas. I cared about him. His asshole wrapped around my dick wasn’t only a means of pleasure; it _was_ beautiful. I hugged him close and we both fell asleep right away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The most incredible thing has happened today..."


	6. Telling

Cas was just like that when I woke up; still cuddled up to me, sleeping deep. I nuzzled against his cheek and put a few soft kisses there but he remained out. My hands stroked up and down his body slowly. The sensation of his flesh beneath my touch was incredible, particularly how, despite being asleep, he would wiggle a little when I slid across his waist.

Somehow the body was very fit. I started at his chest, which was firm and shapely, so tender under the creamy skin and yet quite strong, and would run my fingertips down across his torso, along the muscular abdomen and into the thicket of soft hair. He was long flaccid by now, but everything was still sticky with cum.

After stroking him for a while, Cas finally woke up. He stirred at first, inhaled real sharp and let a breathy moan fizz out of his mouth. I nuzzled him more and kept kissing his cheek, which by now had a very positive reaction. He turned his face into my direction and tried to meet our lips. This was still confusing to him and he didn’t know what he was doing, so I brought up a hand and held his cheek to direct him to my kiss. One slow, soft _pop_ from our lips and he withdrew.

“Good morning,” he whispered.

“Morning, Cas. You sleep okay?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad,” I said with a smile. His eyes were glassy as they stared back and he looked a little sad. “What’s wrong?”

“My hypothesis has proven to be incorrect.”

“Huh? What hypothesis?”

Cas made an uncomfortable noise. “Dean, I…I apologize, but I have lied to you.”

“What?!” My heart suddenly raced. In an instant I thought maybe he wasn’t an angel. What was he?! “Wh-what!?”

“I told you that a rogue angel had taken my grace,” Cas explained, looking sullen. He closed his eyes. “But that isn’t true.”

“No? Then what?”

“I am the rogue angel.”

“Oh,” I sighed. At least he was still an angel. For some reason that really freaked me out, if I had some weird creature living with me that wasn’t really of the celestial hierarchy like he said. “Why’re you rogue?”

“I…the…aahh…”

Cas had to sit up now. It almost looked like he was in pain. He pulled his knees to his chest and hurdled up into a little ball. I touched his back softly. “What?”

“There was an argument in heaven,” he continued. “Some of us said humanity isn’t worth saving, while the majority of the angels claimed that it was. Many of the angels work directly with you on your planet, but the ones such as myself have barely even seen it. We didn’t know…”

“Wait,” I interrupted. It felt sad to me that he woke up with all of this heavy on his mind. “You saying you think humanity isn’t worth saving?”

“Yes,” Cas said sadly. “That was my argument. I said that humans are brutal, instinct-based savages. I had several angels that agreed, but they were all killed by the others.”

“ _Killed_?”

“Yes. And finally they stripped my grace and sent me here to see if I could _learn_ more about humanity.”

“But that’s not bad, right? I mean, what’ve you learned?” I sat up next to him now.

Now a little happiness rang in his voice. “Humanity is worth saving. It is very beautiful. Even your instinctual moments, like the one we had last night, are very beautiful.”

“So that’s good,” I said, leaning over and kissing his shoulder.

“Not exactly.”

“How come?”

“They sent me here to die, Dean,” he said very sternly. He looked right at me, glaring with some flicker of heat in his eyes. “To die as a human.”

“But that’s stupid,” I argued. “How does dying like us make you realize humanity is worth it? Wouldn’t that just make you hate it?”

“It was not my command.”

“Jeez,” I grunted, rubbing Cas’ back now. “That makes no sense. Angels must be dicks.”

“They don’t react well when others turn their backs.”

“Yeah, apparently not. So uh, if you don’t mind me asking, why did you lie to me?”

Cas winced. He looked away from me, growing a bit red in the face. “I couldn’t risk it.”

“Risk what?”

“Telling you that angels were looking for me. I was worried that you would be frightened.”

“Wait, angels are _looking_ for you? I thought you were sent here to die?” This was getting really overwhelming way too fast. I could never fall for a normal guy, could I?

“I still have some of my grace, Dean,” Cas said. “That was not their plain and they want it back. They see me as a threat.”

“So I’m in danger? These angels are gonna find out where you are and come in here to tear you a new one?”

“No. They cannot find me.”

My body relaxed. “Good,” I said with a smile. “Then why lie?”

“I assumed no human to be understanding or honest.”

“Hey, that’s crazy. Some of us are alright.”

Cas finally looked at me again. Those eyes…something about his eyes made me both sad and content to be there. They were so _blue_ and so _powerful_ , like an essence of the universe radiated from within. “Some of you, yes,” he said.

“Oh, Cas,” I sighed. There was nothing else to do but hold him. My arms wrapped around him real tight and I pressed my face into the crook of his neck. “What are you going to do?”

“Find my grace and return to heaven.”

“And leave me here without you?” I whispered.

Cas’ hands came up to the back of my head and stroked my hair. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. His flesh smelled like sweat; both mine and his. Our sex stink was still all over him.

“I will always be here,” he mumbled into my hair. “Some way or another.”

I had to suck in a sharp breath of air to try and fight back these crazy feelings inside me. “We gotta get all emotional now?” I asked, shaking.

“No. It is not necessary.”

“Okay. Then let’s just…put all this serious shit on hold for a while.”

“I understand.”

“You liked getting fucked last night, did ya?” I asked, trying to divert my feelings.

“Yes.”

“What did you like about it?” I sat back a bit so I could look at him. He had a pensive face, scrunching up that forehead deep in thought.

“Feeling you inside me,” he said, nodding to himself. “That was quite remarkable. I didn’t realize how nice that experience could be.”

“Yeah? You uh, wanna do it again?”

“How often do you require it to be done?”

I smiled. His innocence was cute when it showed. Rubbing a thumb over his chin, I said “There’s no set amount. When we feel like it, we do it.”

“So then you feel like it right now?”

“Weeeeell I’m almost _always_ up for it.”

Cas moved in a kissed me now. Well, as best as he could. He plastered his big lips right to mine and tried to make a little _pop._ “You are very strong, aren’t you?” he whispered.

“I guess. I don’t work out like I wanna.”

“No, Dean. Strong here…”

His hand wandered to my crotch and cupped my dick, which was in fact getting hard. Cas looked down at it like it was a prized gem. “That’s how guys get ready for sex,” I told him. “You’re probably hard, too.”

“Ah, hard. That’s it.” Cas nodded and spread his legs.

“Well looky there, a boner,” I said with a casual smile. “So you wanna learn something new?”

“New?”

“Yeah, like I said, we have all different kinds of sex. All sorts of fun stuff we can do. Maybe I can show you a new thing every time we do it.”

“I would like that,” Cas said. He wet his lips with his tongue.

“Alright, you need to learn about oral sex.”

“That would involve the mouth.”

“Yeah, that’s good. It’s when the mouth goes on the dick. Or the ass.”

“Hmm. You will show me?”

“Sure. Look, like this…”

I gently pushed Cas onto his back so his head went against the pillows. He followed my lead and rolled his head back. Then I lowered down to his crotch and carefully spread his legs. His dick was fully erect now, with a little bead of precum that sparkled in the morning light. “Why, Cas!” I exclaimed, laughing. “You dirty little bastard.”

“Dirty? Where am I dirty?”

“It’s just an expression. ‘Cause you’re already pretty turned on.”

“I am excited to be experiencing something new with you.”

“Heh heh, alright. Well this is what happens. Pay attention now, since I _really_ like this being done to me. Probably my favorite thing ever.”

Cas nodded. “I understand.” He propped his neck up and stared at me as I gripped my hand around the base of his shaft. A soft gasp sucked in as I touched him. My fingers slid up and down it for a moment just as I leaned over and let some spit fall down onto it.

“You wanna make sure it’s slick,” I whispered. Cas nodded, obviously taking great mental notes. “Then use your tongue and lick over the top.” I extended my tongue and did just as I said. The moment it touched Cas’ hot, pink flesh, he moaned real loud and bucked his hips up at my face.

“GAAH! DEAAAN! AAHH!” His face turned bright right and he clawed into the sheets.

“Easy there, partner. I’ve barely started.”

Cas whimpered. I let my tongue run in circles over the head of his dick and he continued to convulse wildly. “Now you wanna pull it inside your mouth, sucking hard but still using your tongue.”

I wrapped my lips around the dick and sucked at it, flicking over the tip. More precum came out. Cas rocked his hips instinctively at me and I tried not to smile around the cock. He looked so damn cute. This virginal essence of pure innocence, despite the fact that he was God only knows how old (literally).

I wanted to show him more of what to do, but he came prematurely. His arms bent and went above his head, pulling at the pillow as he screamed real loud, thrusting. I sucked harder and chugged his entire load.

“Aaaah! Deaaan!”

I loved his unbridled love screams. They were so raw and pure. I let his dick fall out of my mouth and looked up at him. “That was efficient, wasn’t it?”

“Aaah…” Cas was catching his breath. His body was limp and hot. That was the perfect cue for me to slide up on top and press our chests together, straddling him but also taking his face in my hands. I kissed him. I kissed him a lot. My tongue slide between his lips and wrestled within his mouth, playfully batting around with his tongue. Cas wiggled underneath my body and prodded his tongue to mine. I smiled into the kiss as my hands came up to his shoulders and rubbed him gently. Then I moved my lips away just an inch or so.

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“No, really. This is amazing. You and me here, the sunlight, the bed…it’s so comfortable and soft and _incredible_. Like, I’ve never been a guy to really fall in love, but shit…”

“Are you falling in love with me?” Cas asked.

“I—I guess. So you know that term?”

“I’ve read about it numerous occasions. Have you been in love before?”

I wet my lips. “Not really,” murmured out between them.

“Are you confident of the feeling?”

“I guess.”

“How are you so unsure?” Cas asked. Now he tilted his head to the side, still gazing up at me with that messy, dark hair pushed into the sofa pillow. Our bodies were so smooth against each other. “Are you in love with me?”

“Oh, jeez, I mean…” I had to swallow hard. It felt weird to say something like this to _anybody_ , let alone an angel. An angel who had lied. An angel who didn’t think humanity was worth saving. Right. “Wait, Cas?”

“Yes…”

“You really didn’t like us? People, I mean.”

Cas’ eyes widened. They looked _sad_. “I did not,” he said in a tiny, dry voice. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he hugged weakly. I smiled even though I didn’t want to. “But I do now.”

“Right…”

“What is the issue?”

“It’s just weird, man. Like are you gonna bail on me? Are you gonna decide you don’t like people again and kill me or whatever?”

“You would say this even after the intercourse we have had?” Cas asked, eyes sparkling sadly. His lips parted just a bit and I could hear him breathing a little heavy.

“You’re right,” I said, shaking my head. I kissed those lips. “You’re right.” It was probably best not to tell him how sex can be totally meaningless, because that didn’t even apply.

I slid off of him and took his sweet body in my arms, and he found it best to turn over onto his stomach and hug back. “We can just snuggle like this for a while,” I said. Any diversion from all of this emotion would work. Cas’ angelic fate, how I felt about him…it was easier just to hold each other.

“I’m very fond of this,” he said.

“What, snuggling?”

“Yes,” Cas smiled with that word. He lay his head on its side against my chest. It was probably the biggest smile he had done for me yet, and that was an accomplishment and a half. “The closeness, sharing our body heat…it’s nice.”

“Yeah, it sure is.”

“I have never known such pleasure. Angels are not typically physical in their positive emotions.”

“They don’t hug or anything, huh?”

“No, purely human.” Cas’ eyes closed now.

“You thought that was barbaric and instinctual?” I asked him, half teasing but also half serious and wanting to know the answer.

“I never knew enough to judge fairly,” Cas confessed. “I understand that it was foolish.”

“Nobody’s perfect,” I told him, starting to rub his back. My fingers traced lines up and down his shoulder blades and he sighed in contentedness. “What counts I what you know now, I’d say.”

“Yes.”

“What do you wanna do?”

“Snuggle with you for a very, very long time.”

“Heheh okay, but we gotta eat at some point.”

“Eventually.”

“Then what?”

“It doesn’t matter as long as I am with you.”

I bit my lower lip. He was so sweet. How could someone so bitter towards humanity end up being the gentlest fucking person ever? I couldn’t even respond to his statement, I just nuzzled my nose into his hair and inhaled the sweet, perfume smell he seemed to naturally carry. My eyes closed and I smiled, so happy to be with him. Yes, I was falling in love. No doubt about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I have confessed to Dean that I lied about my nature. What is this feeling? Guilt? My insides are twisted, but I believe Dean truly forgives me. He has taught me another 'sex act' and I am quite pleased with it. I'm looking forward to exploring his body."


	7. Sitting

 

I really wanted to leave the day up to Cas, but obviously he wasn’t informed adequately enough about what the world had to offer to make those kinds of decisions. So after breakfast, we got dressed and I thought we would just wing it for the afternoon.

“Where are we going to go?” asked Cas.

“I dunno. Somewhere. We’ll figure it out. Anything you’ve been thinking about exploring?”

“No, not exactly.”

“Yeah, I thought so.”

I was shaving in the bathroom. Cas still wasn’t real great at it so he continued to observe me with great detail. My habit pretty much was to shave every morning, keeping my face real nice and smooth. Once I finished, I handed the razor off to Cas and he attempted to clean himself up. I chuckled as he clearly mimicked my focused face in the mirror, parting his lips barely and furrowing his smooth brow.

“We can go see more of the city,” I told him. He nodded. “Check out some sites, have a nice lunch.”

“I would like that.”

Cas handed the razor back to me and I put it away. He immediately walked out of the bathroom, but I still had a few little things to freshen up with before I flipped off the light and left. He was getting into one of his new outfits; dark jeans and a red t-shirt. I smiled when I saw him bent to get his shoes on.

“You look cute,” I said.

“Cute…”

“Yeah, we’ve been over this.”

“I am aware.”

Not sure how to respond, I sucked my teeth and shoved my hands into my pockets. “So uh, you ready?”

Cas got to his feet now. “Yes,” he said. “We can leave now.”

With a nod, I walked out of the bedroom and we made our way downstairs. I still wasn’t sure where we would go so I just went to the car and drove. It was really nice out; the kind of day that you just want to lay down in some grass somewhere and experience the world moving around you. Maybe that would work.

“Hey, Cas?” I asked over the radio.

“Yes?”

“Do you uh, just wanna sit somewhere?”

“I’m sitting right now.”

“Yeah but like out in the grass? Or something?” I blushed a little at this sentiment. Cas didn’t know that it was _so_ unusual for me to suggest an activity like that, but even if he did he certainly wouldn’t make fun of me for it. I still felt embarrassed. Honesty can be embarrassing.

“Is that would you would like to do?” Cas asked.

In a small voice I replied, “uh _huh_.”

“Then of course.”

I smiled in relief and gripped at the steering wheel slightly firmer. A real quick glance over at Cas showed that he had a thin smile on his lips, too. He looked nice like that; the sun coming at him, little bit of wind fluttering through his hair.

We drove further, just floating along like that down the road. Music on the radio went on and on, but for the most part Cas ignored it. I wondered what his opinion of music was. I nearly asked, but in that instant we went right by a big park that caught his eye.

“That?” he asked, point at the glass. Great fields extended in the middle of my dense city, with clusters of bright trees and a healthy peppering of people.

“You wanna go there?” I chuckled. Cas nodded and I immediately pulled over.

“Is this not what you described as your preferred activity?”

“Yeah, yeah, exactly.”

I got out of the car and Cas followed shortly thereafter. There were of course a lot of children and off to one side was a playground. It was surrounded by bored adults. Next to that was some grass that stretched down to a pond, both lined with short trees. A couple off-leash dogs played around with each other as their owners chatted idly nearby. Children were feeding ducks at the pond, and beyond that was a long expanse of green with a couple small hills. Kites were being flown out there.

“This is a major social activity,” Cas said to me as we walked on the path through the park. Many couples were hanging around, sitting beneath trees with books or just walking with their hands together. Cas was observing them.

“Well, we like to be out. Most people need some kind of outdoor activity, at least on the weekend, or else they’ll feel terrible.”

“Nutrients from the sun, mental stimulation…yes, I can understand why.”

Two people hopped onto the path right in front of us; a young straight couple. The woman took the man’s hand and arm, tugging a bit while she laughed and laughed about something. He chuckled, leaning against her, and said something but all I heard was “butter” and “accident.” Cas was watching them like a science experiment.

“You okay, buddy?” I asked.

“Yes,” Cas replied slowly. His eyes looked them up and down constantly.

“What’cha thinking about?”

“These people,” said Cas. He glanced at me now, frowning. “I’m seeing this here often. What is the purpose of _hand holding_?”

“Because they care about each other. You know how people touch? It’s just like that. They’re in a relationship and they need to feel close, so…”

Before I could finish, Cas reached out to the side and took my hand. His fingers wrapped around my wrist awkwardly and he squeezed. I wanted to correct him, but I was so elated to feel him touch me like that, I couldn’t be bothered to. Instead, I pulled my arm closer to me so that our arms met.

“Cas,” I said quietly. Cas looked at me with big eyes. “I…do you wanna go lay down somewhere?”

“If you wish.”

“I do, but do _you_? You can’t just do things because _I_ want to. You should be happy, too.”

“Certainly,” he said with a nod.

I smiled weakly, somewhat concerned with his behavior, then led him off the path and over to the pond. We went beneath a tree and I sat down against it. Cas did the same.

“Here,” I told him, looking to our hands. I fixed the fingers so that they interlocked. “Like this.”

“I understand. Thank you.”

Cas squeezed my hand and rubbed his fingers against me gently. His eyes remained fixed as they stared out over the pond, observing every detail with great curiosity. I wondered what his thought process was like; every idea, question or concept that he had about the world was interesting to me.

“Cas,” I said softly, after I gave him time to look in silence. He turned to me but said nothing. “What do you think?”

“About?”

“This. Here.”

“It’s nice.”

“Heheh…that’s all?”

“Well, the water is a decent temperature for the waterfowl to feel comfortable. What are those small humans throwing to them?”

I shrugged, looking over to the kids. “Probably bread.”

“Why?”

“Feeding them.”

“Are they in danger of starving?”

“Not really, some people just like to do it. It makes them happy.”

“Ohh, yes. I see.” A tiny smile went across Cas’ face. “The driving force in humanity is to complete tasks that produce happiness.”

“Yeah, something like that,” I answered, squeezing Cas’ fingers in mine. He kept looking out over the pond. “Hey, so…”

“Yes?”

“For someone who hasn’t been human very long, and doesn’t understand emotions too well, don’t you think you’ve sorta…gotten close to me really fast?”

Cas looked very pensive for a few moments. His eyes glanced up and he narrowed them, pressing his lips together in thought. “I agree,” he finally said. “Our _relationship_ does seem to have flourished quickly. Perhaps it’s because of my inexperience. Though, that doesn’t explain why you have acted fast as well.”

“I dunno,” I said. “I’ve never really felt this way before. About anybody. Ever. But I like it. Why should I wait?”

He nodded. “Yes, that’s nice. That’s a very nice sentiment. Humans have such impossibly limited time to their lives, why do they spend so much of it wondering and waiting? It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” I sighed happily. Using my hand to pull us closer, I rested my head upon Cas’ shoulder and smiled to myself. “You really are an angel.”

“Barely, anymore,” Cas said in a quiet voice. He leaned his head against mine.

“No, I don’t mean it literally.”

“Oh…”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Then, I won’t.”

I picked my head up against and, using my free hand, turned Cas’ face towards mine to kiss him. I closed my eyes and smacked our lips together, causing Cas to moan real softly into my mouth. I started to kiss deeper, but he broke it off.

“What?” I whispered, looking at him through my narrow, horny eyes.

“Dean,” Cas muttered. “Do you…do you think my celestial origin is obvious to people?”

I looked surprised. “What? Why would you say that?”

“I’ve noticed people staring oddly at me.”

Laughing, I shook my head. “No, no, that has nothing to do with you being an angel.”

“Oh, good,” Cas sighed in relief. “But why, then?”

“Because we’re men.”

“But I’ve seen other men around.”

“Nah. We’re _men_. We’re together. We’re men and we’re together.”

“Yes, but…”

Cas looked so confused. I touched his face tenderly, stroking his cheek with the back of my hands. “Some people are uncomfortable with that.”

“Why?”

“I dunno, it’s complicated.”

“I don’t want to make people uncom-“

“No!” I interrupted sternly. Cas stared wide eyed. “You are _not_ going to change your life because of other peoples’ opinions, okay? Just don’t. Don’t even think like that. Are you happy with me?”

“…yes.”

“Then be happy with me.”

“Very well,” Cas agreed, nodding with a smile. He leaned in and kissed me.

“Good,” I said, smiling back. His cheeks were a little red and I kissed both of them once. “You got any more questions on life?”

“Yes,” Cas said. I let go of his face and sat back against the tree again, still holding the other hand. He cuddled up close to me.

“What is it?”

“Why do these people walk around with animals close to them?” He asked, pointing towards the dog owners with his chin.

“Oh, the dogs?”

“I believe so.”

“Pets. We call ‘em pets. People that have animals live with them, sorta like family members.”

“What is the purpose of that?”

“Well, they take care of the pet. Feed it, clean it, entertain it. When it gets sick, they give it medicine, ‘cause the pet can’t really take care of itself, right? But then the pet loves them back. They’re fun and make the people happy.”

“I see,” Cas said quietly. Gears were turning in his head so much that I could almost hear them creaking.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“Then, then I am your pet?”

I shook my head, nearly laughing. “No, no!” I chuckled. When I realized that he was looking sad I stopped smiling. “You aren’t my pet. I don’t have any. You’re my…partner. You’re my partner.”

“Partner.”

“Yeah.”

Cas smiled. He leaned in and kissed me. That made me very happy and I kissed him back, deeper and longer. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around his shoulders to bring him closer, touching our chests as tiny moans came out of him. The sun was starting to come around the tree and its light fell upon us, warming my back. I kept kissing Cas and holding him close, then finally he broke it again.

“Yeah?” I asked in a gruff whisper. My pants were tight.

“Then, can we have a pet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Humans have animals live with them. They're called 'pets.' It is their duty to take care of them, feed them and insure their safety and health. Even though Dean says I am not his pet, I am convinced that I am. Perhaps we can get a real pet to demonstrate the differences?"


	8. Fearing

 

“Hate to break it to you, but my building doesn’t allow pets.”

“What?” Cas asked, furrowing his brow. “That’s ridiculous. Why?”

“’Cause they’re messy. You know all that pissing and shitting you do now? All pets do it, too. And people aren’t always good at cleaning it up. So it’s a liability to the building to allow pets. That’s normal.”

Cas’ eyes wiggled in a sad, thoughtful way. I could tell he was concentrating hard on what he could do about the situation.

“Fish are okay I guess,” I added with a shrug.

“Fish? Then we can have fish?”

When Cas said “we”, I felt a jolt of something run down my spine. It happened so quickly but already the two of us made “we.” He considered us as one.

“Well uh, it’s sorta fast to decide but alright. We can go get fish. Would you like that?”

Cas nodded. “Yes,” he said, smiling slightly. “I would.”

“Okay. Lemme just find a pet store closeby.”

I took out my phone and started to search the area. Cas leaned over and watched my very curiously. “It’s just my phone,” I told him. “It’s finding places to buy fish.”

“How innovative.”

“Yeah, heheh, it ain’t bad. Here we go, there’s one just walking distance from here.”

“That’s lucky.”

“Yep! Real lucky. Come on.”

After I shoved my phone into my pants, I stood up and offered Cas my hands to stand. He stared at me like I was crazy then stood up on his own. “I can do this by myself, Dean,” he said, brushing off his legs.

“I never said you couldn’t. It’s just this thing we do to be nice.”

Cas focused on nothing, thinking hard with his brow furrowed. There was a sweet little twinkling in his eyes. “I see,” he said with a nod. “Just to be nice.”

“Yeah. We do that a lot.”

Cas took my hand again and began walking away, but I tugged him in the opposite direction. “This way, buddy.”

“Oh.”

I smirked silently and took Cas the way we needed to go. We left the park and headed down the block. I could tell that the occasional onlooker giving us the stink eye was perturbing Cas. “It’s okay,” I kept telling him, squeezing his fingers. He said nothing, but gave me a weak smile each time I whispered to him. We rounded a corner and there, beneath a pale blue awning, was the pet store. “There we go,” I said. Cas seemed slightly bewildered but I said it was fine and we both went inside.

It was a tiny, locally run place that didn’t have a whole lot of animals. One wall was cages, with a few small rodents and a couple birds. I think they were finches or parakeets or something. Cas’ eyes opened wide as he stepped further into the store. He nearly knocked over a display of dog treats, which I had to tug him away from, and then he meandered towards the back. Fish tanks were glowing back there.

“Just like these, see?” I said, pointing to the wall of tanks as we approached. Cas looked like a kid in a candy shop, or the first time a person sees snow. He stepped up to one of the tanks and stared at the fish. They were tiny, fluorescent looking things. His eyes dilated and followed the quick, erratic movements that the fish made.

“You like those?”

Cas didn’t answer.

He looked at a different tank. This one had goldfish, a whole bunch of them, swimming around in a flashy school. They hypnotized him, if you asked me.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Hmm?” He didn’t take his eyes off of the fish, but a tiny movement in his chin went towards me. He looked _so_ cute, I had to slip an arm around his waist and pull him closer.

“You like those?” I repeated.

“Yes. They’re quite…pretty, aren’t they?”

I smiled real big and kissed his cheek. He blushed. “Yeah, they are,” I told him. “Like you.”

“I’m pretty?”

“Extremely.”

Finally the fish weren’t as interesting and Cas looked right at me. He cocked his head in sweet and curious manner, leaning into my body and smiled.

“What?” I whispered.

“Is it appropriate to kiss you here?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, of course. You can kiss me just about anywhere.”

One of my hands cupped his face and pulled him in for a soft, tender little kiss on the lips. Cas closed his eyes and leaned into it for more. I smacked our lips together a few more times then had to stop, whispering, “alright, that’s enough.”

“Is there a problem?” Cas asked, looking sad again.

“No, no!” I said. “Just, just sometimes we don’t wanna kiss too much.”

“Why?”

“Because then we want sex, but we can’t have sex here.”

“Ohhh…”

I ran my fingers down his cheek then let go of him. “We can have sex back home, okay? Let’s get you a fish.”

“Very well.”

“How ‘bout some goldfish? Since you like them so much.”

“These ones, right?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll get a couple. Then we also need a tank, and some gravel, then food for them o’course. Uhhh, I think that’s all for now. We can always come back and get more stuff.”

“V-very well.”

I took his hand but went back to the accessories where I took one of the smallest tanks I could find, a sack of gravel and a can of food. I set them inside the tank. “Now you just hold the fish.”

“Do I take them from the tank?”

“Nope. We’ll ask someone. Stay here.”

So I brought the junk up to the counter, where I dropped it off then got an attendant to come back with me to the goldfish. Cas was standing there, staring into the tank again with his arms hanging by his sides. Even though he was physically around my age, he was making boyish faces and looked like the most innocent, sweetest man possible. The clerk, a young woman with a pageboy haircut, glanced between the two of us and made a strange face. It got stranger as we talked.

“Which ones do you want, Cas?”

“Oh, does it matter?”

“Nah. Thought I’d ask.”

The clerk got a net and a bag from a little table off to the side and held it out. “You um, you just um, how many do you want?”

“How many fish do you want, Cas?”

“Does it matter?”

“Nah. But maybe, okay how about three? We’ll take three. Any of ‘em.”

“Right,” the clerk nodded. She raised an eyebrow at me, then turned to the tank, dipped the bag in to get some water then caught three fish and put them in. Cas watched her like she was a brain surgeon. The bag was knotted and she handed it to me.

“Could you let him hold them?” I asked, pointing to Cas.

“Um, right, okay, sure. H-here you go.” She turned to Cas and held the bag out to him. He very, very slowly took it.

“Now be careful,” I warned with a smirk. “That’s life in there. It’s precious. They’re pretty sensitive.”

Cas held the bag up to his face and peered at the fish. “I see,” he said. “They are pretty sensitive.”

After an exceeding painful checkout, we took our purchases back to my car. I held the tank with everything inside it up to my chest, walking carefully but also keeping a close eye on Cas. He held the bag of fish like precious treasure.

“You like ‘em?” I asked. We were passing the park again and nearly to my car.

“I do. Thank you, Dean. This should be an interesting experience for us.”

“Aww, you’re welcome, babe. It’s gonna be real fun.”

Suddenly Cas froze. I kept walking for a second but then I turned around. “Hey, what? Why’d you stop?”

There was a look of pure horror on Cas’ face. I tried to get his attention again but he didn’t notice. He seemed to be watching something.

“Cas?”

“Move!” Cas hissed. He held the fish close to his chest and dashed off to the side. He slipped between two buildings, down a little alleyway and tucked up against the wall. I followed.

“Cas, what the hell?”

He was breathing heavy and looked like he was about to cry. His hands ran over the plastic bag in a way that told me it comforted him. “No, no,” he mumbled, lower lip quivering.

“Cas?” I asked. Now I was _extremely_ concerned.

“That was an angel,” Cas muttered quickly. My face flushed cold.

“W-What? What was?”

“I saw a human, but it wasn’t a human. It was an angel.”

I looked down the alley both sides, then dropped my volume significantly. “How did you know?”

“I saw his wings.”

“Wings? You have wings?”

“Well, I don’t anymore, but yes we have wings.” Cas spoke urgently. He continued to trace circles on the plastic while the clueless fish tried to bite his fingers. Struggling with the tank in my arms, I did my best to calm Cas down.

“They just walk around like that?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Dean.”

“You think he saw you?”

“No, he did not.”

I sighed a short breath of relief. “That’s good. You think they can tell you’re an angel?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“Good, good. Okay. So, uh, not to pressure you or anything, but we really need to get those fish home. Are you gonna be alright?”

Cas nodded. “Yes. As long as I don’t see that angel again.”

“Let me know if you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We've embarked on an exciting new journey; not a physical series of travels, but a learning experience that is pet ownership. I would be more ecstatic over this, but on our way home I observed an angel, casually perusing the streets. I assume they cannot see the remains of my angelic essence, but I will have to be more careful now."


	9. Playing

 

I was torn between two things when we got back, and I couldn’t really do either; have a nice time setting up the fish tank or calm Cas down. He basically hadn’t stopped hyperventilating since he saw that other angel. Either way, we _had_ to get the fish settled in, it just wouldn’t be as romantic as I had planned.

The tank went on my kitchen counter, on the breakfast bar between living room and sink. I ripped open the bags of gravel and dumped it all in then spread it around. Cas clung to the bag of fish and watched me. “What is the purpose of those stones?”

“It’s just what you do. Makes the aquarium look pretty.”

“Aquarium? I don’t have a translation for that word.”

“The fish tank.”

“Ah.”

“Okay, so we’re gonna fill it up with water now.” I went around to the kitchen side and searched my cupboards for the biggest bowl I could find. I took a lot of going back and forth, filling then dumping, but the aquarium was ready. “Put the fish into it. Be careful.”

“Of course.”

Cas delicately unknotted the bag, then pushed it under the water and let the fish go. They swam out like they were dizzy and wandered around the perimeter of the tank. Cas removed the bag and stared at them for a while.

“You like ‘em?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I set my elbows on the counter and watched the fish flutter around in the water. Cas was mesmerized. “So you know, people usually name their pets.”

“Name them?”

“Yeah, give ‘em a name. Like how you’re named Castiel.”

“Ahh,” Cas said with a slow nod. “But what sort of name is given to a fish?”

I shrugged. “What names do you know?”

“Many. The names of my brother and sister angels. Anael, Michael, Zachiel, Uriel, Gabriel, Azrael, Metatron, Samael, Chamuel, Jophiel, Sandalphon—“

“Okay, okay, I get the idea. But do you like any of them?”

“I’m rather indifferent.”

“So what names do you like?”

Cas thought about this for a moment. He tilted his head and continued to watch the goldfish as they zipped across the tank, swam around each other and sometimes made bubbles at the surface. “Then they will be Dean.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “D-Dean? Why?”

“Because that is a name I am fond of.”

“Okay, but the other two?”

“They will all be Dean. Dean 2, Dean 3 and Dean 4.”

I scratched my head and sighed. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Well hey, if it makes you happy, who am I to judge?”

Cas turned to me and smiled. He looked positively radiant. Thin creases around his eyes appeared to smile with him. I leaned in and placed a small kiss upon his lips. “You wanna do the nasty?”

“Nasty? What nasty?”

“Sex. Like we said earlier. If you want, that is.”

“Now? Here?”

“Yeah, what d’you think?”

“That is fine.”

“You wanna learn something new?”

I put a hand down onto Cas’ back and rubbed him gently, taking careful steps so that I stood behind him. My hand applied some pressure and he bent forward a little, dipping his back just enough to drive me wild.

“Of course,” Cas agreed. Both of my hands came down to his cheeks and rubbed slow circles. Even though Cas made a couple quiet moans, his eyes were still fixed on the fish.

I squat down and tugged Cas’ pants with me, exposing his bare ass. He gasped in his throat and I wet my lips. “You remember when I sucked your dick?”

“Certainly.”

“Well, something else I like doing is putting my mouth on your ass. Now I don’t want you to do this to me, but…hey, just see. You’ll like it.”

His cheeks spread under my hands and I gazed at his hole. It was so tight and cute, this little puckered ring of pink, aching for a touch. He had no idea what was about to hit him, though. The moment I closed my eyes and dove in to let my tongue softly, carefully, _barely_ lick over his hole, he lunged forward and grabbed at the counter.

“Gaaah!” he gasped.

“Feel good?” I whispered. A grin grew on my mouth and I ran my tongue over the entire length of his hole.

“Ohhh! I-incredible!

I tickled down to his taint and kissed his tight balls, rubbing my nose up against his hole. He cooed tiny moans as I placed kiss after kiss, then ran my tongue back up to his hole and put my open mouth over it. He was instinctively rocking his ass back into my face and that made me very, very happy. It would seem that sex was making more and more sense to him. He was giving into his carnal desire, though I couldn’t help but wonder if it was his lack of angel powers that drove him to experience sexuality, or if angels all hold that ability pent up within?

“I-it’s good!” Cas yelled. “So good! Oh! Dean!”

Now I pressed a series of kisses, wet and tight against him. I opened my eyes and watched his body twisting under my touch.

“Yeah— _muah_ —I bet it­­— _muah_ —feels good!”

He spread his legs more, stretching the crumpled pants at his ankles out. His thighs quivered as I licked, teased and sucked his hole, and the beautiful sounds continue to pour forth from him.

“Deaaan!”

The tip of my tongue made its way inside and he jolted with pleasure. A louder, gruffer moan built up within his throat but couldn’t seem to be released. He needed more stimulation.

“Touch yourself,” I commanded quickly.

“Wh-where?”

He didn’t even realize what I meant.

“I mean masturbate.”

“Wh-what is th-that, Dean?” He looked back at me, mouth open, eyes narrow and cheeks flushed pinker than the inside of his rim.

“This,” I said. One hand slid off of his ass and wrapped around his waist, searching momentarily for his no doubt throbbing cock. I reached beneath his hanging shirt and grasped the base of his dick. His hole contracted twice and he bucked forward into my grip. I gently jerked him off and told him to do it himself. He shyly obliged, then brought his hand there and I let go, returning to the soft, round cheek.

As soon as he began to awkward pump at his dick, he moaned even greater and louder than I had heard yet. “HAAA!!! AAAAAHH!!! GOODNESS!!! OHHH!!!” His voice, naturally low and gravelly, became heavier and muskier. Then it curved up and suddenly went quite high. His breaths came out in short, high squeals as he worked his cock faster and faster. I wanted to watch, but rimming his sweet ass like that was too good to stop. I dipped into the hole, spitting and slurping about, letting my lips touch down occasionally.

“DEAAAN!! AAAHH!! I-I-I, AAH!!!”

His free arm bent over the counter and he pressed his forehead onto it hard. He twitched and convulsed all over, obviously cumming, and I tickled his hole better to give him a very splendid orgasm.

As his moans lessened and he cooled down, I kissed him a few times then moved away from his ass. My eyes looked down to the floor whereupon I saw the pearly splatter of his nut. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I ran my hands along his back and smiled at him. Already, he caught his breath and went back to observing the fish.

“You wanna take a bath?”

“Bath?”

“Yeah, like a shower only we fill the tub and sit in it.”

“Is that another method of getting clean?”

“Yep. What d’ya think?”

Cas turned around and smiled at me. “I am willing to try anything new, of course.”

“Awesome. Come here.”

I went back towards the bathroom and Cas followed, hobbling with his pants around his ankles. It took him a while but I didn’t realize at first.

“Just step out of your pants,” I said, chuckling.

“Oh. Of course.”

I knelt by the tub, plugged it and began filling it with hot water. I heard Cas shifting around behind me, I told him to take off the rest of his clothes as well. I undressed, too, then sat on the side of the tub and watched him. He was getting much better and removing is clothes, but he still struggled with getting shirts off of his head. You’d think he could stow those memories somewhere so that he did it impeccably, but somehow it just didn’t work that way with clothes.

Once we were both nude, I grabbed a bottle of foam bath from the sink counter and pumped a couple squirts into it.

“What is that?” Cas asked, standing over the tub and watching me in an near childlike manner.

“It smells good and makes bubbles. Just something we like to have in our baths.”

“Does it assist in getting clean?”

“Not really. It’s just nice. Baths aren’t really an efficient way of cleaning, so we use them to relax. People like to read in the tub, or play music, burn candles…hey, you wanna burn candles?”

“Why?”

“Because it’s um, well it’s romantic.”

“What is that? Of a Roman origin?”

I chuckled and turned off the water. It was ready. “No, no, it means like, sexy and intimate. When you do something special with your partner.”

“Ahh, I understand. Then, then we should do romantic activities, correct?”

I smiled and looked down. How wonderful was this guy? “Yeah,” I said. “We should.” Next thing I did was get up and bring some candles from the bedroom. I’m not exactly a bath guy, but I’ve been known to set ambiance around the bed. While I was in there, I brought a tube of lube as well. I set them all out of the counter then lit them with a couple matches. I told Cas to go ahead and get in the tub, so he stepped over the edge and lowered himself in slowly, then he just sat there with his back straight, knees to his chest and arms wrapped around his legs. He watched my every more.

“You know fire is hot, right?” I asked him, lighting the final candle.

“Yes.”

“Good, good. So don’t touch them or knock them or anything like that, okay?”

“Of course.”

I winked at him and flipped off the lights, causing the room to suddenly blink into a quiet, sultry glow. Cas jumped at first, but I got in the tub right away and he relaxed. “Come here,” I said, putting my back to the wall and spreading my arms and legs. As Cas slid himself down to me, I moved out more and embraced him. “Put your legs over mine,” I told him and he did just that. We entwined our bodies and I kissed him, slow and passionate on the lips. He hugged me very softly and closed his eyes against my lips, moaning in the back of his throat. I ran a hand over his baby-soft hair and smiled, whispering “Do you like this?”

“I do,” he replied, his voice just as quiet as mine. Then he moved his face down into the crook of my neck and held onto me. I rubbed his back a little. His breathing grew slow and heavy and we swayed back and forth lightly.

“Can I fuck you like this?” I asked him.

“Yes.”

I reached over the side of the tub and grabbed the lube I brought in, then I sat up a little more, bringing Cas’ ass out of the water so I could rub it over his hole. He kept clinging to me, but willfully obliged and moved with my motions. I prodded my finger around his hole, which was still slightly loose from the rimjob earlier, then pushed in a second one and stretched him more. He gripped my back and moaned shortly.

“Want my cock?” I teased.

“Yes.”

It was cute when he gave me such simple answers. Normally I might be annoyed if a guy didn’t talk dirty, especially when I started it with him, but Cas was so sugary sweet that I didn’t mind. So I grabbed at my dick, line it up and lowered him down onto me. His gasps were deep but then high and whiney, rocking his hips in time with my slow thrusts. I wanted to stay like that forever; the glowing bathroom with the world so silent, save for the delicate sloshing of water and Cas’ noises. I moved his head back to I could keep kissing him as I worked my core, pushing inside his hole and rubbing all those good spots just right. I could tell, even in the faint glimmer of light from the candles, that he was blushing.

Then I fucked him harder. I put my hands on his hips and thrust up inside, splashing water and knocking him around. He held on tight and squealed, eyes closed, head tipped back. He was so unfettered and passionate in his love making, no precursors swaying what he should do and what he shouldn’t; how he should sound and how he shouldn’t; just pure, raw nature.

I sucked my mouth onto his creamy neck and pumped him full of my load. My grinding was hard and angled just good enough to get him off, hands free, as well. His jizz was small but it shot out far and got onto my stomach. I laughed a little, but he was so caught up in the moment that he just sat like that, rocking on me gently, wetting and biting his lips over and over again.

“Cas,” I whispered. “You okay, sweetpea?”

“Yes,” he muttered. Finally his eyes opened and he glanced down at me, then hugged my body once more and returned his face to my neck. He sighed heavy, nuzzled into my flesh and said “thank you.”

“Why?”

“For everything. A bed, food, sex, love.”

“H-hey,” I said, stuttering a little at that last word. “O-of course. I really care about you, Cas. You’re the most important ma— _being_ in my life right now. I wouldn’t want anything less.”

I kissed the back of his head and we were silent for a while. His puckerhole twitched a little bit from time to time, but mostly he relaxed and began to breath very slow and steady.

“Cas?”

“Mmhh…”

“Are you tired?”

“…yes.”

“Then let’s get us to bed, huh?”

“…yes.”

I carried him out of the tub, patted him dry as he swayed on his feet, then helped him get into bed. He flopped down onto the pillow, hugged my arm and went right out. It didn’t matter what powers he still had, he was an angel to me no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I learned many things today. It is difficult to decide which I enjoyed 'best.' We are the owners of three fish now, and that makes me very happy. I am excited to take care of them. But Dean has also shown me different ways of making love, one that I can even do on my own. Humans are quite innovative."


	10. Deciding

 

The first I did when I woke up was roll over and grope the space beside me for Cas. It was empty. I have never snapped out of fogginess as that moment, and immediately I shot up in bed and yelled “CAS?!”

“Hello, Dean.”

His answer was very soft and came from the foot of the bed, where he was sitting with a book in his hands. I sighed in relief and flumped back into the pillows. He basically ignored me and began reading aloud from the book.

“ ‘Higher far, upward into the pure realm, over sun or star, over the flicker demon film, though must mount for love—into vision which all form in one only from dissolves…’”

“That’s nice, Cas,” I muttered, folding my arms behind my head and tickling his back with one of my toes.

“Aah!” He startled and closed the book. “Dean!”

“Hmm?”

“What was that feeling?”

“What, _this_?” I tickled him again and he fidgeted all over, blushing.

“What is that!”

“Tickling.”

“Tickling?”

“Yeah, it’s when someone touches you a certain way and it make you laugh and squirm.” I wiggled my toes again and he twisted himself all up, then faced me and stretched out across the bed.

“Don’t do that,” he said, staring at me.

“Sorry. You don’t like it I guess?”

“No.”

“I’m real sorry, babe. Some guys like it.” I tousled my fingers through his hair and he gave me a little smile. “There’s my Cas,” I said, leaning to kiss his forehead. “So you wanna go feed your fish?”

“Does that occur now?”

“Yeah, that makes the most sense, I’d say. C’mon.”

I hopped up from the bed and pulled him along, too, taking his hand as we walked into the living room. The two of us in the cool apartment, both completely naked and free set up the sweetest morning. I let him go ahead of me, watching his fine ass wiggle as he walked.

“Lemme see,” I said, taking the can of food. I read the instructions once over, then unscrewed the cap, pulled off the little metallic seal and handed it to Cas. “They get one pinch every day.”

“Is that all?”

“Yep. Just one pinch.”

“I see.”

With careful hands, Cas plucked a tiny little pinch of flakes between his fingers then lifted the latch on the tank and dropped it in. Deans 3-4 rushed to the surface and began eating, which managed to captivate Cas even more.

“They are very hungry, aren’t they?” he remarked.

“Yeah, definitely. How about you?”

“Somewhat.”

“Want me to make you something?”

“If you wish, I will eat, yes.”

“Alright, cool.”

So we had a pleasant breakfast together, but then I had to go to work. He said he wasn’t going to leave the apartment on any circumstance but would wait patiently for me to return.

“You’ll be alright alone, won’t you?”

“Yes, but I will feel better once you come back.”

“But I can’t do anything to protect you against the angels. I mean, you’re stronger than me anyway.”

“That is true, but my mental state will relax upon your return.”

I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Whatever you say, babe. I’ll get home as soon as I can. Promise.”

“Thank you. Goodbye, Dean.”

“See ya.” I watched his big blue eyes disappear as I closed the door.

* * *

Those eyes remained as a fixed image in my head all day at work. I really had to get home as soon as possible, since the thought of him waiting and being alone tore my heart in two. But finally it came to clock out and I zoomed out of the office so fast my hear nearly spun right off! Then as I rounded a corner along the outer wall of the parking garage and I banged right into someone.

“Ooof! Sorry!” I called out.

The guy I bumped into seemed unfazed. He was tall, around my height, with short hair and a stern face. He grabbed me by the arm and said, “You must take me to Castiel!”

In my head I panicked, but physically I pushed away from the guy and acted like I didn’t know what he was talking about. “Get away from me, man!” I yelled. “Touch me again and I’m calling the cops!”

“I know that you are lying to me. Please, I _must_ see Castiel!”

I backed away from him as fast as I could, even though I was unable to pull my eyes away from his. He was very still and stood straight. The way he spoke was akin to Cas’ mannerisms and I knew that he absolutely an angel.

“Back off!” I shouted. My feet couldn’t get me away from there fast enough!

* * *

It would seem that the angel or whoever he was didn’t follow me as I got home, but I was still freaking out. My hands shook as I unlocked the door, breath heavy as I wondered…what next? How did the angel know that I had Cas? What was he going to do to him, or me?

The first thing I heard when I stepped inside my apartment was a loud gasp from the bedroom. Cas was crying out, which sounded like pain to me, and I hauled ass back there so quickly I nearly tripped over myself.

“CAS!” I yelled, expecting something horrible. But no; I was instead greeted by a very, very pleasant scene.

Cas was spread out on the bed completely naked, laying on his back with one leg bent and to the side. One hand wrapped around the base of his dick and tugged at it lightly, cum from an orgasm I had just missed still running down the shaft, while his other hand casually fondled his balls.

“Cas!” I said again, this time with my mouth hanging open and eyes glazed. “What are you doing?”

Though his eyes remained shut, he rocked his head from side to side, wet his lips and whispered, “exploring myself.”

“Holy shit, baby,” I said. As I took steps closer and climbed upon the bed, I saw that his chest, which huffed heavy with his post-orgasm breathing, was coated in multiple thin strands of cum. “How many times did you get off?”

“Six,” Cas hummed. Both of his hands relaxed and he sighed. “This is very lovely and quite effective.”

“Be careful, Cas. You don’t wanna wear yourself out.”

I laid down alongside him and ran my fingers over his sticky stomach. He tilted his head to my direction and slowly opened his eyes, smiling with very red lips.

“But uh, listen, I don’t wanna wreck your afterglow or anything, but we have a little situation.”

“What is the matter?”

“Some guy stopped me on the street today and asked for you.”

Cas’ eyes went from elated to horrified. “What?” he gasped. “He spoke my name?”

“Yeah, he said that I had to take him to Castiel.”

“No!” Cas shouted. He sat up suddenly and flung himself off of the bed. I sat up and watched him. “This is very bad!”

“How did they know I’m associated with you?”

“I don’t know, Dean!” Cas whimpered. Naked and covered in his own seed, he ran out of the bathroom and presumably the kitchen, since I thought I could hear his bare feet stepping on the linoleum. I followed him, but to my horror, he had snatched a knife from the drawer and sliced open his hand.

“CAS!” I yelled. “What are you doing!?”

“There is no reason to worry. I can heal myself.”

“But doesn’t that hurt?” I tried to run up and hug him, but he suddenly had this serious demeanor that I thought probably could use some distance. He went to the front door and marked a circle in his blood, then a crooked kind of arrow in the middle with a couple odd symbols around it.

“I did not want to use this,” he muttered to himself as he “painted.”

“What is it? What are you doing?”

“This is an angel warding sign. It will prevent any angel from passing through the foundation of this room. The only drawback is that, if they come close to it, they will be able to assume I am inside.”

“Shit, Cas. This is bad.”

Cas turned around and looked very, very sad at me. “I am aware, Dean. It is rather frightening. I do not want you harmed.”

“Will they hurt me?”

“I am not sure. If they know you are keeping me here, aware of my true nature, they may. I am sorry, Dean. This was…this was my fault entirely.”

Suddenly Cas collapsed upon the floor. I ran up to him, squat down and gave him that hug now. He lightly touched his hands together and healed up the wound. I kissed the top of his head.

“Don’t blame yourself,” I said.

“But if I had never told you what I am…”

“Hey, I was the one who asked.”

“But I was the one who told.”

I rubbed his back and held him closer. His hands delicately gripped my arm. He began to cry.

“Baby, no, no, don’t cry.”

“I am not sure what is happening,” he said in a tiny, worried voice. His weight entirely fell upon my lap and I continued to give him kisses, comforting to the best of my ability.

“Don’t worry. Don’t worry about anything, alright? I’m gonna take care of you and see you through to the end. I’m gonna help you talk to those assholes and get your grace back, so you can go home…wait, Cas?”

“Y-yes?”

“Is there a way to get rid of the grace you have?”

“Yes…why?”

“What if, okay this might be crazy and stupid, but what if you ejected it? Wouldn’t they, in theory, not be able to find you? And since you don’t have the grace, which is why they’re angry at you in the first place, you can just live your life here?”

“But then I will never get back into Heaven.”

“They sound like dicks anyway.”

“But then I will age.”

“Yeah, so? I will, too.”

“But then I will die.”

“And I will, too.”

Cas didn’t answer and just rested his head against me more. He closed his eyes, pressing a couple fat tears out which then rolled down his flushed cheeks.

“If you die, then won’t you go to Heaven anyway?” I asked, smoothing his hair with my palm.

“Yes, that is t-true, but I will not have the same jurisdiction.”

“What happens, then? Like what happens to me when I die?”

“You leave this vessel and ascend to the higher plain as a soul. A-and then, then you reassess your karmic values and pick your next life.”

I furrowed my brow. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Why wouldn’t you want that?”

“Because, because then I will be reincarnated.”

“Oh, yeah? And what’s bad about _that_?”

“Then I will start over and forget this life, just as all humans do.”

“So? That’s my fate then, I guess? Why not take it, too?” I was doing my best to ignore how insanely deep this all was. My heart raced.

“Because then I will _forget that I am an angel_.”

“You can’t make a special mental note of that or anything?”

“Not that I am aware. It’s never happened before. I am merely going on assumptions.”

“Alright, I get it. But listen, what other option do you have? I mean, if these guys can sense who I am and where you are, they’re eventually gonna find you. And then what?”

Cas sighed. “You are correct, Dean. That is a valid point.”

“So what, then?”

“I suppose I will remove what is left of my grace and then live a mortal life with you.”

“With me? Really?” I smiled, despite how sad this was for Cas.

“Yes.”

I hugged him tighter. “I’m sorry it had to be this way, but for what it’s worth, I’m real happy I got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This is terrible. The angels have sensed where I am. Somehow, I felt this would happen. Now I only have one choice; to give up all chances of returning to my celestial form. At least I have Dean. I think...no, I know that his presence will make my decision worth it."


	11. Chapter 11

“It isn’t safe to release my essence into thin air. We will need a suitable container for it.”

“And what’s that entail?”

“Pure silver, ideally. And with a secure lid. I am not sure what you have that fits such a description.”

I picked my keys up front the counter and sighed. “I guess I gotta go shopping after work.” Cas frowned. “I’ll try to get back as soon as possible. You need anything else for it?”

“Do you have salt?”

“Yeah.”

“Angelica root?”

“What?”

“Angelica root.”

“Nope. The fuck is that?”

“It is a root. I will need that, as well. Performing a ritual that is not normally done on this plan shall be difficult.”

“Uhh, I’ll do my best.”

Suddenly Cas dashed up to me and gave me a hug. I smiled weakly and hugged him back, then kissed the top of his head. “You okay, buddy?”

“No,” Cas said, his voice muffled in my suite jacket.

“Are you scared?”

“Yes.”

“But you put up the angel thingy. You’ll be safe.”

“I am worried about you, and everything that is going to happen to us.”

“Try not to think about it. One step at a time and all that good stuff, right? Cheer up.”

I took Cas’ face in my palm and lifted him up to look him in the eyes. He looked so sad. So terribly, terribly sad. “Baby,” I sighed. My thumb rubbed over his lips and they parted. “It’s okay, I promise. We’ll fix it all and it’s gonna be fine.”

“Very well…”

“I’ll do my best to be quick. I…ah, you’ll be fine.”

I had to let go of him and head to work. It made me sad to leave him there, like a lonely dog that would be counting the seconds until I came back, but I had no choice. Hopefully if I would be able to get everything I needed so we could at least gain better safety. Poor Cas.

My day at work was normal, but after I left and my search for angelica root and a silver container began, things got strange. I had no idea where to find herbs like that, so I tried anything I could think of. People looked at me like I was fucking crazy.

“Yeah it’s a…root…”

“Like a potato?”

“No, a root. I dunno.”

It was useless. I couldn’t find any roots and I couldn’t find any good silver containers. I searched through trinkets at secondhand store, but nothing had a “secure lid.”

When I was leaving, I stepped off the curb on my way to the car but was snatched backwards by my collar. “HEY!” I shouted. When I turned around, that weird, serious-faced angel guy from the day before was standing there. He let go of my collar and stared at me.

“Please. I must speak with Castiel. You cannot lie to me as I can tell when you are.”

Again, I pretended that I didn’t know him. “Quit following me, buddy!” I shouted.

“You misunderstand me,” he said. His voice grew sterner. “I am not trying to hurt him.”

“Dude, stop. I told you, touch me one more time and I’m calling the police.”

I stepped backwards down off the curb and began running to my car. The angel didn’t move, he just stood there in a ruddy leatherjacket with his arms hanging, back straight, eyes fixed on me and watching my escape.

“Inform him that Gadreel is seeking him!” he shouted, but I had my back turned and was already at my car.

* * *

I hesitated telling him what the angel said at first. I knew that he was already shook up and frightened and the last thing I wanted to do was upset him more.

When I came through the door, I found Cas sitting on his feet in the middle of the floor. He had taken my box of kosher salt and sprinkled a circle around him.

“What are you doing, Cas?”

“Waiting.”

“For what, babe?” I stepped out of my shoes and stepped over to him. He stared down at a little knife in his palm. “Don’t cut yourself again.”

“I need to, Dean.”

“Ugh, fine. But I didn’t get the stuff you need.”

Cas looked up at me quickly. “Why?”

“I couldn’t find it. I need to research better.”

“Ohh,” Cas sighed. He left the knife on the floor and stood up, then stepped over the salt circle and hugged me. “I am very worried.”

“I know, Cas, I know. It’s gonna be alright, I told ya. Trust me, sweetpea.” Cas hugged me tighter. I rubbed his back. “Want some dinner?”

“Yes.”

I let go of him and went over to the kitchen. He followed me but stopped and looked at his fish. “They are doing well,” he said.

“Oh yeah? Cool.”

I opened up the fridge and took out a bag of salad. Because Cas wasn’t eating any animal products, I had to stock up on all sorts of stuff I don’t eat. I tossed a little green thing together for him and put it on the counter. He grasped a fork, which he was starting to understand much better, and took a gentle bite, still watching the fish swimming around.

“That good?” I asked, making myself a sandwich.

“Yes. Thank you, Dean. I appreciate this food.”

“Sure thing, babe.”

I sat up on the counter and watched Cas as I ate my sandwich. A slow breath of air came out of my nose as I considered telling him. I guess I had to.

“Um, Cas, I gotta tell you something.”

“Yes?” He peered at me, a tiny piece of green hanging out of his mouth.

“I saw that angel again.”

“What?” He stopped chewing as his face well flat.

“He said, well, uh, he wanted me to tell you that Gadreel is seeking you.”

Cas dropped the fork. He sat up straight and kept staring at me. “Gadreel? That was Gadreel?”

“I guess? I mean that’s what he said. He didn’t say _he_ was Gadreel but I assume so?”

“If…oh, Dean…if that was Gadreel…ah…then…ah…”

“What? Cas? What?”

It looked like Cas was having trouble standing, so I took his arm and led him to the sofa. He sat down, seeming remarkably calm, and I kept rubbing his arm. “What about Gadreel?”

“Gadreel had always been the closest angel to me. He stood by me when I was singled out for disliking humanity. I…the last time I saw him, he was about to receive a sentence for agreeing with me.”

“Seriously?”

Cas nodded slowly.

“So um, then, you think maybe we should talk to him after all?”

“It should be heavily considered. I am wondering why he is here and why he is seeking me out.”

“A trap?”

“That is possible, though I find it unlikely. They know that I would run from them. It would be a poor trap.”

“Then we should have us a little chat.”

“I believe so.”

He leaned against me tiredly and closed his eyes. There was a heavy, heavy burden on his mind and I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more going on than I knew. I considered asking him, but then again, being a mere mortal myself, it was probably best unanswered.

“How do we find the punk?” I asked.

“If he is trailing you, then I would assume that if we go searching _he_ will find _us_.”

“You wanna go now?”

“I see no reason to wait.”

“Okay, then let’s go.”

I helped Cas get up and put some shoes on. I asked if we needed anything special, but he said as long as he can quickly mark up one of those angel banishing sigils then we’d be fine, so I handed him a marker and we were on our way.

It was late and not a lot of people were out. I didn’t think it made much sense to drive, so we just walked down the street. Cas was very close to me and held my fingers, eyes wide and shiny in the streetlights as they darted back and forth.

We walked for almost thirty minutes and I was about to call it a night when Cas suddenly stopped moving. He froze in his tracks, let go of my hand and slowly turned around.

“Gadreel,” he said. That guy was standing behind us, looking platitudinous as usual. “I am here as you asked. What do you want with me?”

Gadreel took several emotionless steps towards us. I couldn’t help but wonder what his wings looked like. “I am here to help you,” he said.

“How?”

“Our brothers and sisters had been looking for you.”

“How do you know? What did they do to you?”

“As you can see, my grace is still intact.” Gadreel rolled his shoulders in a way that suggested he was flapping those ethereal feathers of his.

“How? How did you keep yours but they stripped mine away?” Cas’ lower lip wiggled. It was interesting to see how robotic both of them spoke and moved, and though the influence of humanity on Cas was subtle, it was still there.

“I am sorry, Castiel, but please listen; I bargained with them. They returned my grace provided I took on the hunt for you.”

Cas’ mouth opened. He took my hand once more, firm and shaking with fear. “G-Gadreel, have you—“

“No, no, Castiel,” said Gadreel. He came closer to us and held his palm open. “I am not here to hurt you, or your mate.”

“My mate?”

“I smell the carnal desire on you and him,” Gadreel explained, looking at me. It made me nervous to have a full blown angel stare at me. I tried to look away. “I judge you not, young mortal.”

“Um, thanks,” I muttered. It still felt like he was judging me.

“I want you to be happy, Castiel. But I know that if I do not bring you back to Heaven soon, more angels will come and they _will_ find you, and us.”

Cas held his breath. “Then, what would you have us do?” I was getting bored even though it was serious.

“I have a proposition.”

“Tell me.”

“I will give you my grace.”

Cas blinked. “Ga…Gadreel, this is…you are suggesting that you become human for my sake?”

“Indeed.”

The angels were quiet for a moment, exchanging silent messages that I thought might have been subliminal. I shifted on my heels. I didn’t know this Gadreel guy, but he certainly cared about Cas and that was alright with me.

“What else would you plan to do, Castiel?”

“We were planning on removing my grace so that the other angels could not find me.”

“Is that a fate you would want?”

“No, it is not. It is absolutely not.” Cas’ grip on my fingers tightened. “But, I want to be with Dean, my…my mate.”

Gadreel walked right up to Cas and put his hands on his shoulders. Some tension was building, but I couldn’t tell if it was positive or negative or what.

“Let me do this for you. I will bear the burden of humanity. And, and you will still have your eternal life. Your celestial oneness. I believe that the angels will accept you if you return there in purity.”

“How can you be sure of that?” Cas asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I have spent time with them. Our bargains lasted for great lengths. They are not angry at you, but they wish you to learn your lesson. I am convinced that they will accept you.”

“Gadreel…what you offer…do you realize you will die? You will pass on and become human for eternity?”

Gadreel nodded. His hands slid off of Cas’ shoulders and hung by his sides once more. He inhaled deeply, and I think if he was capable of it, he would start to cry. “43,000 years did I roam the universe without you. I remember the moment in time when you were created. I know you well and I wish you the utmost in happiness, little brother.”

I leaned into Cas’ ear and whispered, “take his offer.”

“I can hear you, Dean,” said Gadreel. I blushed.

“Sorry. But uh, I think he should.”

“I agree.” Gadreel looked to Cas again. “He is a righteous man. Haven’t we been misguided in our assumption of humanity?”

“Yes,” Cas said, nodding sadly. Tears ran down his cheeks. “Gadreel…thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I have found my dear brother."


	12. Transmutating

 Cas didn’t make a decision yet, but we decided it would be best if Gadreel came back home with us. I went ahead inside to clear the blood off the door, then we continued our powwow on the sofa. Gadreel had to watch how we sat so he could do it correctly.

“Castiel, will you meet my offer?”

Cas had his hands in his lap and a far off look in his eyes. He was thinking hard about every possible outcome, I could tell, and _I_ was doing all I could to not give him a hard time. Did I want him to be an angel again? Kind of. The whole time I had known him, I knew this day would come. I had hoped it would be months or possibly years away but I still tried to prepare myself for it. I cared for Cas so much and the thought of him leaving me was devastating, especially after we had decided he would be human. But Cas didn’t want that; as much as he wanted to be with me, he truly did not want to forget his angelic origin and I absolutely can’t blame him. In fact, the thought dawned on me that it was possible I had been an angel, too, but simply forgot once I became human. That’s crazy, and standing at a crossroads to make that choice would be scary as shit. Basically, despite wanting him to stay, I knew that getting his grace back was what he truly wanted, and I wouldn’t be a good partner if I didn’t side with the outcome that was best for him.

“Cas, do it,” I said, sighing to myself. He turned his head to look at me and frowned.

“But you will be sad when I leave…”

“Yeah, I know, babe.” I touched his cheek with the back of my hand and he nuzzled into it, closing his eyes briefly. “But I want you to be happy. And this is practically your only shot at securing that angel shit.”

He nodded solemnly then turned to Gadreel once more and muttered “very well. I accept your generous offer.”

“I am very glad of this,” said Gadreel. He attempted to stand, teetering a little at first. “I am pleased to make this sacrifice to you.”

“Why, Gadreel? Why would you do so much for my happiness?”

“Because you are my brother and I love you.”

It seemed weird for someone to use words like that with such an emotionally stagnant face, but okay.

“I understand,” said Cas. “And provided I am allowed safe access into Heaven again, I will see to it that you are treated fairly when you pass on as a human.”

“Thank you, Castiel.”

“Okay,” I interrupted. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole and wreck their little family moment, but I needed a countdown on how much time I had left with Cas. “So how do we do this grace transfer thing?”

“I assume you do not have the necessary ingredients,” Gadreel began, looking at me and then to Cas, who nodding. “Then I will collect them. I will return at dawn.”

“Hey, thanks—“

Before I could finish, he blipped out of my apartment. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen, and lately I had seen a lot of weird shit. He basically dissolved, bending sideways a little and kind of pixelated into thin air.

“What was that?” I asked Cas.

“He flew away.”

“Not any kind of flying I’ve ever seen.”

“It is inter-dimensional.”

“Alright…” My voice fell soft. I took Cas’ hand and held it tenderly.

“Is this truly what you wish of me?” I asked.

“O’course. I want you to be happy. After we talked about being human, you got _so damn sad_. I know you don’t want that.”

“I see.” Cas leaned his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes, thumbing over the back of my hand. I hugged him with my free and to hold him closer.

“So you’ll be gone forever?” I asked quietly.

“I may still come around.”

“Really?”

“Certainly. I will watch over you.”

I smiled a little, even though I was still sad. “And we can still make love?”

“No.”

All smiles faded. “No? What do you mean no?”

“Dean, I am leaving this physical body behind.”

“You mean, this isn’t you?” As I asked him, I poked at the skin of his neck.

“No.”

“Whose is it? Where’d it come from?”

“We have vessels made for us, based on the evolution of man.”

“Seriously? So you formed this hot little body upstairs?”

“Indeed.”

My eyes widened. Angels had good taste, considering they didn’t know what the fuck they were doing with the bodies.

“Wait so, when you leave, the body will just rot here?”

“That is correct.”

“Oh, great,” I sighed. “Then what do you become?”

“My true form.”

“And what’s that?”

“Energy.”

“Huh?”

“I am no different than you, Dean. Do you think that when you pass on and return to Heaven, you will arrive in this flesh? Certainly not. We are all just entities of energy. We wear bodies on this physical plane, but it is not our true forms. The only difference between yours and mine is that yours was created organically and grew from a sperm and egg, whereas mine was molded the way you see it with a thought form.”

I had to blink a few times and take a second to catch up on what he just told me. This was getting real deep way too fast. “O-okay,” I said, wetting my lips. “So, um, that means, this is your last night on Earth, huh?”

“Yes.”

“What do you wanna do?”

“Be with you.”

Cas let go of my hand and hugged me real tight. It wasn’t just an embrace to show affection; he was holding onto me for safety. I felt terrible because basically every outcome with him was going to make him sad! Sending him home was the lesser of two evils. I guess it wasn’t that bad, considering I would forget all about it in my next life, and Cas would probably gain a deeper understand as he considered it over the next couple thousand years.

“You just wanna go to bed?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, babe. Get up.”

I helped him stand up then we went off to the bedroom. We both undressed completely then got beneath the covers. I laid on my side, and he did the same, facing me. My hand caressed his bicep slowly as I stared into his big eyes.

“Don’t be sad, sweetpea,” I murmured. “You wanna be an angel again, right?”

“Yes.”’

“Then you should be happy.”

“I am leaving you behind.”

“But you’ll still come visit.”

“That is correct, but you will not see or feel me. I am hoping that you hear me.”

“Oh…”

I sighed, still rubbing his arm. We exchanged silent stares for a moment and then he leaned in and kissed me. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me over as he rolled onto his back. I mounted him and kissed him deeper.

“Cas…”

His legs lifted and slipped around my waist. He was growing hard, as was I, despite the sadness at hand. His fingers gripped the back of my head and pulled me closer into the kiss.

“Caas…”

I kept whispering when I had a chance to breath. Then the kiss slowed down and I opened my eyes to find his already open, then stared sadly. His lips parted as he seemed to be scanning all over my face. “Make love to me, Dean,” he whispered. I nodded.

“Yeah, okay, babe.”

I took some lube onto my hand and rubbed his hole. His eyes closed and he rolled his head back into the covers, moaning softly and grinding his hips a little. I popped one finger inside briefly, scoping the area out, then a second. He squeezed his thighs as I prodded, then my fingers pulled out and I replaced them with my dick. I eased inside very slow since I didn’t give him much of a chance to warm up.

“Deaan…”

His breathy moans went right into my ear, since I dug my face into the crook of his neck and kissed there. I put my arms around him and held our chests together close, thrusting slowly. Cas moaned louder. My overwhelming sadness was preventing me from getting to rough and wild, so instead our love making was very slow and fluid. We clung to each other as our bodies worked together like gears, twisting and grinding together slowly. His hardon rubbed against my stomach, throbbing nice and hard with a tiny sticky tip.

“Oh, Cas,” I whispered against his neck. I slowed down.

“Dean?”

I didn’t answer. Our bodies stopped moving. His neck grew damp with my tears.

“Ca-as…”

“What is wrong, Dean? Are you in pain?”

I hugged him tighter. “Don’t leave me, Cas.” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Please don’t go.”

“But you want me to.”

“I want you to be happy. But I don’t want you to go.”

“We have already made our decision, Dean. It is too late to change your mind.” I heard him sigh sadly.

“I-I know. I just…I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“What did you do before me?”

“Drink too much and have lots of sex with random people.”

“Oh…”

“Cas, I need you.”

“I will be around.”

“Cas, I…”

My tears choked me. I refused to leave the crook of his neck.

“Dean?” Cas asked. His voice was so soft and compassionate. He ran his fingers down my back and lightly held on. “Dean, are you crying?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Oh, Dean…”

“Cas, I…”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t wanna let you go because I love you, Cas. I love you.”

I sobbed hard into his neck now. My heart burned and ached, holding onto the guy for dear life. He didn’t say anything, not a word, but he kept hugging me and rubbing my back. I think we fell asleep like that.

* * *

Getting the L-word off my chest did something to improve my mood. When morning rolled around, I had somehow pulled out of him and ended up on my side. Cas was on his back and my arm lazily drooped around his chest. My eyes opened slowly and saw his face, still asleep, angled towards the ceiling. I reached up and ran my thumb down his cheek. I loved that guy so much. This was so conflicting.

My touch woke him up and he turned his head to look at me. “Good morning, Dean,” he said quietly.

“Morning…” I stared at him with eyes that ached from crying. It had been years since I sobbed so hard. It had been my entire life since I felt so much heartache. “Guess this is it.”

“You are very close,” a different voice said inside the room. I suddenly sat up, heart racing, and saw Gadreel standing at the foot of the bed.

“What the fuck, man?!” I yelled. “How’d you get in?!”

“I am still an angel,” he said. “I may enter any place I so choose.”

“Well you should really knock! What if we were doing it?”

“Doing what?” asked Gadreel.

“Nevermind…did you get everything?”

“Indeed. Please come into this other room with me.”

He turned around and left, then I rolled out of bed and quickly threw on boxers and a tank top. Tiredly, Cas got on his feet and nearly went out there naked. “Come on, man, put something on. He’s your brother.”

“He is an angel, he does not care.”

“Yeah but he needs to learn what’s okay and not okay with humans. Get dressed.”

He put some clothes on and we went into the living room. Gadreel had made something similar to the salt circle Cas had earlier, only there were a couple bowls and some weird shit sitting in them.

“Castiel, please join me in this circle.”

Cas looked at me sadly then stepped within the salt ring. They both squat on the floor. I just stood there like a weirdo.

“You are lucky to witness such an event,” Gadreel said to me, moving those bowls and junk around. “Mortals never see this.”

“Wow…lucky me…”

Then they both put then hands on a bowl and began to mutter weird words together. I assumed it to be Enochian.

“ _Aldaraia aldon, odo bia. Qaa cnoqod commah._ ”

It went on like that for about a half an hour. I sat down on the sofa and watched silently. They would exchange one bowl for another and sprinkle some things into others, all they while they chanted together in Enochian. I was trying to hold in my feelings, especially since I didn’t want Gadreel to know how hurt I was. I don’t even know why I cared. Maybe because he was Cas’ family and he loved Cas as much as I did?

Then at last, the final word was spoken, “ _Vomsarg!_ ” and a great big flash of blue light erupted from Gadreel and was sucked inside Cas. His body glowed brightly, then the room hummed and howled with a great, sharp, piercing cry. I covered my ears and yelled a little from the pain. It was so loud, so crazy whiny and intense. “WHAT THE FUCK!” I shouted, unable to say anything else.

Then it settled.

It all faded.

I opened my eyes and saw Gadreel still sitting but Cas was collapsed on the ground.

“Is that it?” I hesitated to ask.

“Indeed,” said Gadreel. He looked down at himself. “I suppose I will manage.”

“What about Cas?”

I got up and walked quickly to the body. I squat on the ground and touched Cas’ cheek. He was cold and unresponsive.

“He has left this physical body,” said Gadreel.

“So he’s back in Heaven? He’s gone?”

“Indeed.”

My lower lip wiggled. I couldn’t help it. I grabbed the lifeless body and hugged it. “Caaaaas,” I cried.

“I am sorry,” said Gadreel. With an awkward and weak hand, he patted my back. “I understand that this was difficult for you. And him, as well. But it is the right choice. You have made him happy, even though you likely find it impossible to see.”

I looked over at Gadreel, face red and blotchy from crying. He thinned his lips and looked sort of sad. “There are greater powers at work here that you will never understand. In time, I will forget them as well. But at this moment I assure you that this was the correct move.”

I kept clinging to Cas’ body. “S-so are you human? And you’re just gonna be human?”

“Yes, that is correct.”

I sniffed loudly. “If you need any help, just let me know.”

“Thank you. That is of great value to me. You are a special person.”

He let off my back and slowly stood up. “I will see you again, Dean.”

I went back to hugging Cas, or Cas’ body. I couldn’t even tell Gadreel goodbye; I didn’t care. He banged into my door at first but then grabbed the knob with both hands and pulled it. It slammed as he left. I was alone. Again. Completely alone.

“Cas,” I whispered. It didn’t even occur to me that there was a dead body in my place and I’d have to do something with it that didn’t get me arrested. “Cas…”

Then, my ears felt funny and I heard a faint buzzing. I shook my head but it didn’t go away. In the far distance of my mind, I heard a little disembodied voice.

“ _Dean?”_

“Huh?”

“ _Dean, do you hear me?_ ”

It was barely audible and mostly sounded like a loud thought, but the voice was clearly Cas.

“Cas?”

 _“Good, you can hear me. I am glad_.”

“Just barely. It’s like I’m talking to myself here. What happened?”

“ _This is how angels communicate with people_.”

“Is everything okay?” I looked down at the dead body and watched my tears splatter onto it. Seeing him lifeless like that was horrible, but hearing his voice was conflicting. It was hard for me to grasp any solid emotion.

 _“Yes. They have accepted me. Everything has worked well. Thank you, Dean._ ”

“Um…you’re welcome, I guess.”

 _“I understand how painful this is. Now I must watch you and my brother die. It is as difficult for me as it is for you_.”

“Okay…so, um, are you here right now?”

 _“Yes._ ”

I looked around suspiciously. Like he said, I wouldn’t be able to see him.

“Where are you?”

 _“I am all around you, it is an attempt at a hug. Why are you still holding my empty vessel?_ ”

I closed my eyes and tried so hard to feel the energy around me, but it was useless. I held onto the body instead. “’Cause it’s still you to me.” My tears came back.

_“Oh, Dean…Dean…”_

“What?”

 _“Dean, how I love you._ ”

I hugged the body more. “Why’d you have to leave this body?”

No answer.

“Cas?”

I looked around.

“Cas??”

He was suddenly gone. My ears relaxed but my eyes continued to run. “Damn it, Cas! DAMN IT!” I shook the body a little and sobbed hard. He couldn’t even stay around to answer all of my questions?!

I guess I had to focus on disposing of the body instead. How would I do that without getting caught? It was a serious problem.

“Cas, Cas can’t you at least help me get rid of the body?” I said aloud, hoping he might here. I let off the body and stood up, an onslaught of thoughts hitting me now. I started to see myself getting arrested and going to jail, all because the fucking angel wouldn’t help me. How do you explain that? What the hell could I even tell them?

I cracked my back and tried to catch my thoughts without having a panic attack. Then, I heard something in the apartment move. I froze I looked around. I listened for a small voice.

“Dean.”

I turned around real quick. The voice was louder than I was expecting. Lo and behold, the body had stood up. My heart raced.

“C-Cas?”

Fully animate and not even looking dead, Cas’ body ran up to me and hugged me.

“W-what’s going on?”

“I myself made a bargain,” he said, squeezing me. The body was warm again. In fact, it was _very_ warm.

“With who?”

“Heaven!”

I looked at Cas and saw him smiling real big.

“What’s the bargain?” I asked, still having a hard time believing what I was seeing. Although considering the last couple hours I could basically believe anything.

“I return to Earth in my vessel to be with you.”

“…and?”

“I cannot pass into Heaven until you do, as well.”

“Huh?” I cocked my head.

“I will be here until it is your time, then we shall pass over together.”

I smiled. I cried again. Jesus Christ, I had to stop crying, it was getting embarrassing.

“R-Really?” I whispered.

“Really.”

“How does Heaven feel about it?”

Cas kissed me quickly. “They are happy. They are happy for humanity and happy that I finally understand it.”

I put my arms around him and hugged him real tight. “I’m happy for you, too, Cas. I’m happy for us.” Little tears ran from his eyes as well. “So you’re a full blown angel again, with all your crazy powers and stuff?”

“Yes, that is correct.”

I grinned. “That sounds awesome.”

“I suppose,” Cas said, aping my smile. “Angels are very powerful.”

“I sorta gathered.”

“But there is a force in the universe far stronger than us.”

“Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”

Blushing, Cas kissed my lips very softly and whispered, “love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Dean says that some humans keep 'journals', or a written log of the day's events. Although I am capable of retaining all details in my mind, having gained grace back, I am going to attempt this. I believe it will make Dean happy. I want Dean to be happy."


	13. Epilogue

 

“Baaaabe?”

I stepped through the front door with a couple paper bags of groceries in my arms, peering around the place for Cas.

“Where are ya?”

I left my work shoes at the door and walked further into the apartment. On the counter, our fish tank bubbled and babbled as Deans 3-4 swam around happily. I set the groceries next to them and went to the bedroom. Cas was sitting on the bed, a small book open in his hands beneath the light on the nightstand.

“Cas,” I said softly. He jumped and turned to look at me. “How come you didn’t hear me? Thought you had super-duper angel hearing?”

“I do,” he said. “But I was quite distracted by this book.”

I went over to the bed and plopped down, stretched an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. “Missed you,” I said, smiling. Cas blushed and looked away, closing the book and leaving it on the nightstand.

“I missed you as well,” he muttered. I turned his chin back to me and kissed him again.

“You look great.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“I brought food. You feel like eating?”

“Not especially.”

I stood up, took both of his hands and pulled him with me as I returned to the kitchen. “I got pi-eee,” I sang. Cas followed me and watched as I started to go through the bags of groceries. I brandished a bouquet of roses and shoved it in front of Cas. He looked puzzled.

“Flowers?” he asked.

“Yeah, for you.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I love you.”

Cas took them carefully and looked them over, furrowing his brow and remaining quite serious in the face. “I don’t understand…”

I chuckled. “People buy each other flowers as a sign of affection.”

“Oh.”

I smiled and kept unpacking the items. A big apple pie was sitting at the bottom, and when I put it on the counter, I cracked the top off and looked at Cas with a grin. “It’s aaa—pple piii-eee,” I sang again. “Have some after I eat dinner?”

“Very well.”

Cas smelled the flowers as I fixed myself a sandwich. He still looked a little confused.

“It’s just something. Don’t think too hard about it.”

“I see.”

I took a big bite and hopped up on the counter. It was cute to watch Cas study things he didn’t understand.

“So how’s you angel juice doing?” I asked, chewing.

“Good.”

A little breeze blew across me and I knew he was flapping his wings. I really wished I could see them, but apparently I lacked the spiritual depth or some crazy shit.

“Flowers usually go in a vase with water, so they can live a little longer.”

“They’re almost dead?”

“Well…yeah, kinda. They cut ‘em off the plant.”

Cas frowned.

“B-but if you want, maybe we can grow our own?” I suggested quickly.

“Can we?”

“Sure. We’ll go out and get some pots and seeds, and we can grow ‘em right on the balcony. How about that?”

“I would like that very much,” Cas said with a cute, subtle smile. He set the flowers down onto the counter and gave me an awkward hug, since he was still standing but I was sitting high on the counter. I patted the back of his head then kissed it.

“Got you something else.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

He let go of me and stood, staring, hands expectantly drooping while leveled with his chest. I reached into the pocket of my jacket and took out a little box.

“What is that?”

“Open it,” I told him, placing it into his palm. He lifted the hinged lid and stared.

“An allotrope of carbon?” He asked, cocking his head. I didn’t know what he meant.

“It’s a ring, silly.” I began to blush hard. He noticed this and narrowed his eyes.

“I am very confused. Why did you present me with a ring?”

“I want you to marry me.”

“Marry you?”

“Yeah, like a wedding? Marriage? Holy matrimony?”

Cas’ eyes opened wide. His face flushed red. Slowly, his fingers manipulated the ring out of its snug velvet holder and pushed it on his index finger, though it was too big. I silently guided it to his ring finger, slipped it on then leaned down and kissed it.

“So, will you?” I asked in a mere whisper.

“Certainly,” he said, speaking almost as quietly as me. He closed his eyes, held my hand between both of his and muttered, “thank you, Dean.”

 

**~*~ The End ~*~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Can an angel wed a man? I see no reason why not. Are we not allowed the free will to create happiness? As a servant of God and a keeper of the peace, designed to protect humans and ensure their endless joys, I would assume it is my duty to join Dean in holy matrimony."


End file.
